


Dear Diary - Hey

by 22_Ti



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/F, High School, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-01-20 22:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21289004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/22_Ti/pseuds/22_Ti
Summary: Dear Diary and Hey are private thoughts of Chloe's senior year of high school and Beca's freshmen year.This is a continuation of the High School submission during Bechloe 2019.
Relationships: Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 85
Kudos: 54





	1. Initial Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's Dear Diary portion of this chapter is the same as in the High School chapter in Bechloe 2019. The sections that begin with Hey are Beca's portion.

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is the first day of the last year of my childhood. My senior year of high school is beginning. I don't know whether to be excited… or scared. They, whoever they are, say don't wish your life away. But I can honestly say I wish this year were over already. So much for me has changed since high school started. I've made new friends. I've lost friends. Friends have come. Friends have gone. I've grown in so many ways.

I quit cheerleading. That's a big one. I think I only stayed in the sport for Tom. When he told me his family was moving at the end of last school year, I think I was kind of relieved. After being with him for so long, our relationship was getting dull, tedious. I didn't know how to break up with him. I guess his moving was a blessing in disguise.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

My dad sent me to a therapist. He thinks it will help me process my mom's death. And my therapist wants me to journal. What she actually said was, 'Beca Mitchell, keep a diary.' I thought she was going to fall out of her chair at my reaction. I must have had an awful look on my face. There's no way I would ever write in a diary and told her as much. We did agree I could journal my thoughts and feelings, and that would be okay. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be writing about – my thoughts, my feelings, what happened in my day. It seems like a lot of woo woo. But it's a part of what my dad is paying for,~ so here I am.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

The first day of school was exciting. Aubrey and I have a lot of classes together, which is fantastic. No, I can't match her insane love for advanced math and science, so AP Calculus and AP Physics aren't my cup of tea. But now that I'm not cheering anymore, I have room in my schedule for choir, which is a boon. I miss singing.

We inherited the senior picnic benches in the quads. Of course, we did what any good senior class members are to do and watched the new students and freshmen who didn't know where they were supposed to sit. Over the past three years, I never understood the lure of the senior picnic tables. But now that we get to sit there, I see precisely their place the hierarchy of high school society.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I'm starting that new school today. At least I get to start a new school as a freshman on the first day of school. Yeah, I'm nervous, but it's better than coming in mid-year or like as a sophomore. Maybe this will be a big school, and nobody will know anyone. I'm sure that's not the case, but I can hope. Wish me luck.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

A new freshman caught my eye today. Yeah, yeah, all freshmen are new, but she … is different. She has long chocolate brown hair that falls around her shoulders. I wonder if she uses a straightener. She looks like her hair would be naturally curly. She was wearing these bulky headphones, sitting with her back against the low brick wall. With her head nodding up and down, I assume she's listening to music on her phone. She's intriguing.

Imagine my surprise when on the first day I saw the new girl, she also walked into our choir class. She took a seat off to the side, not joining the other singers. Aubrey wasn't as impressed with her as I am.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

My schedule is pretty sweet. My dad got me to talk to the counselor ahead of time. Imagine that – him having a good idea. Anyway, she put me in choir and spoke to the choir teacher with me about only wanting to be an accompanist. I despise singing in front of people, but I miss music. But now I can be involved with some: tickle some ivories, and maybe pluck some strings.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Four main buildings make up the school with a nifty outdoor area in the middle of the square. There's tons of grass, and these huge trees shade the lot. I found a flat area against a low retaining wall. It's a comfy place to sit. I pulled on my headphones and jammed my way through lunch. The peace of being able to sit outside with my music and writing helps calm my nerves. Another awesome thing today was I got to go to choir. I was a little late and certainly didn't join the other kids on the risers, but the choir teacher seemed to know who I was and left me alone.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I saw the new girl at her locker today. I stopped Aubrey in the hall on the pretext of talking to her about our weekend plans when I really just wanted to get a closer look at the girl. She has a perfect complexion, no blemishes. Her eyes are a dark shade of blue, not one I have ever seen before. She wears very little make-up save for the smokie eyeshadow she has smudged under her eyes and thick eyeliner.

My brain completely shut down as all I could do was think how stunning she is. Unfortunately, Aubrey noticed I had stopped listening to her. She put on her pouty face and left me standing there as she went to AP Physics.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I was putting my books in my locker today when I saw this girl watching me. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me at first, but the longer I stood there, the longer she watched. It made me nervous. Maybe she knows why I'm here at Barden High. I grabbed what I needed and walked away, watching as her blonde friend stomped off.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

I think something's up with that redhead who was watching me the other day at my locker. She seems to be watching me every time I see her. Creeper

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I feel like such a stalker following the new girl around, trying to learn more about her. My efforts were somewhat successful. I did find out her name. Beca. Beca Mitchell. Something happened to her mother this past summer, so she was forced to move in with her father, who teaches at the local university.

I also found out why Mrs. Alexander let Beca Mitchell into our choir class. She doesn't sing but plays a mean piano and one hell of a guitar. Mrs. A has always been our accompanist, and frankly, she's nowhere near as talented as Beca Mitchell. I'm starting to believe that girl could play the phone book!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

The choir teacher had me play a few pieces for the group – two on the piano and one on the guitar. I never really socialize with the people in that period. I'm sure it was Mrs. Alexander's way of drawing me into the group. Who knows?

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Apparently, I'm not the only one with a fascination with a freshman. For the past few days, Aubrey has rambled on and on about a fish in her AP Calculus and AP Physics classes. It's not unheard of for juniors to double up and make it to these classes but a freshman? Holy guacamole. To say that Bree is impressed is an understatement, and impressing Bree is quite a feat.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

The oddest thing happened today. During lunch, a guy in a plaid shirt approached where Beca was sitting. He spread out a thin blanket and plopped down a small duffel as she moved her headphones around her neck. He dug out some juice pouches from his bag and gave her one. I mean, are we in kindergarten? A juice pouch? Then he pulled out what looked like a thermos of soup, a box of crackers, and some DVDs. When he tossed the DVDs on the blanket, she rolled her eyes at him and said something. He gave her a look of mock horror before they both laughed.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Oooooooookay. There's this dude from my English class that decided I didn't need to sit alone at lunch. Check this out – he had a blanket and juice pouches. What high school kid still drinks juice pouches? His name is Jesse. Apparently he's sooooooooo into movies. When I told him I despised films, he was shocked. I think I gave him a new mission in life – to incite a love of the cinema in me. Pshaw – fat chance.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I guess Beca and Jesse are an item now. They are always together during lunch, and he walks her to most of her classes. I shouldn't admit to knowing this, to watching her so closely, but I'm intrigued by her. I don't know why, but I am.

I asked Aubrey what she thought about Beca, and all Aubrey could do is laugh at me and tell me to forget about the tiny alt girl with the ear monstrosities. Then she went into telling me all about Stacie. Stacie is the freshman who is in Bree's advanced classes. As obsessed as I am with Beca, Aubrey is with Stacie. I think when she tells me to forget about Beca, she's projecting her desires onto me.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Jesse is growing on me. While he's not exactly the type of person that I'd pick out of a crowd, but I guess we are dating? Ugh. He kissed me which was a shocker. I suppose I'm supposed to like things like that, but it just feels… odd. He's super sweet to me and doesn't seem to notice when I get stand-offish. That or he notices and doesn't care. Jesse is a good guy. I just don't think I am as into him as he is into me.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca and Jesse have been dating for a months or so now. She seems happy. Kinda. Things seem awkward between them, stilted. They kiss, but something tells me Beca doesn't always want to. And if she does, she doesn't enjoy it much. Jesse doesn't notice though. He's head over heels in puppy love. Oh, to be a freshman again. I wonder if I looked this way when I was Tom. I started dating him during my sophomore year, so I hope not.

I haven't seen Aubrey much lately. She and Stacie are always studying. If there's not a not an upcoming test in Physics, there's one in Calculus. I don't believe there are so many tests with just two classes. Then again, I'm not in any advanced courses.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I confronted Aubrey today, asked her why we haven't been hanging out. I asked her if she was mad at me for some reason. She made up some excuse. UGH, she's supposed to be my best friend.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I noticed Beca and Jesse haven't been hanging out as much on the quad at lunch. She's spent the past several days leaned against the retaining wall like she did when she first got here. Her concentration is always focused on her laptop and something that looks like a mixing board. I wonder if something happened between her and Jesse.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

We are getting ready for our spring concert. Things have been so busy. I'm sooooooooo glad I graduate this year.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I feel like a heel. I told Jesse that I needed some time, a break, I guess. I miss my solitude at lunch. Plus, it's when I do my mixing. He looked like a kicked puppy, but he respected my wishes and is giving me some alone time.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

It's confirmed; Beca and Jesse broke up. I heard it from Jessica, who was told by Benji, who overhead Bumper talking about it. Then again, I always question anything that Bumper says. Even though she seemed sort of unhappy around him – well, not unhappy – just not happy, happy – I still feel bad for her. If Bumper was telling the truth. Break-ups are never easy, even if you are the one who is discontent.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I left my backpack in the choir room today. When I went back to get it, Beca was playing the piano. She didn't hear me come in, so I slipped into a seat in the front row to watch her and to listen. She looked so peaceful, her eyes closed as she tickled the ivories. The song was mesmerizing, astonishing even. She played for quite some time before stopping.

As her fingers stilled, her eyes slowly opened. I felt compelled to applaud the performance. I think she was surprised to realize she had an audience. She jumped before uncomfortably clearing her throat as she greeted me. I complimented her playing and asked what song it was since it didn't sound familiar. Her face blushed as she admitted it was an original.

I felt terrible because she seemed anxious by my presence. I walked up on stage and sat next to her on the piano bench, facing outward as she dropped her fingers from the keys. She scooted to the far end of the seat, keeping her head down. When I tried talking to her about her music, her answers were mumbled and incoherent. She abruptly slipped off the end of the bench, grabbed her backpack, and raced out of the auditorium.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

After I broke up with Jesse, I started writing music again. That's another escape of mine. I didn't realize how much I've missed it. Dad got me a keyboard for my room, but the piano music sounds so much better on an actual piano. I stayed after choir today to see what the song sounded like on a grand piano. I started the recording app on my cell phone and propped it up on the bench next to you. After stretching out my arms, I began to play.

Playing the piano was always soothing to me. I close my eyes and let the music flow through me. I could tell from how I felt within my soul that this song was special. I played the song all the way through before letting my fingers fall from the keys and turning off the recording. The moment the piano notes stopped vibrating, a clapping came from the seats. I hadn't realized anyone was watching.

The silence between us was deafening, and I was clueless about what to do. So, I introduced myself. "I'm Beca." I gave myself a mental forehead slap. She knew who I was since I played for the choir. She giggled and told me her name was Chloe.

"That was an amazing song, Beca." I could feel the redness creeping up from my chest. I admit that I had written it. I'm not sure why. Usually, my music is private. Ugh. Why didn't I just let her think the song had been an obscure piece she'd never heard before. Chloe seemed interested in my song, and I got nervous. My stomach started doing flip flops, and all I wanted to do was to get out there. And that's what I did.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca was sitting alone in the quad again today. Stacie and Aubrey were wrapped up in their lunch studies, even though I think it's more like they were wrapped up in each other. Bree didn't even notice when I gathered my lunch and walked across the grass and took a seat next to the alt looking music prodigy.

I thought she was going to jump out of her skin when I took a seat. I motioned for Beca to take off her headphones and told her I didn't bite. "At least not hard anyway," I teased. I was trying to ease her discomfort, but it didn't seem to help.

Beca began to shut down her computer and pack up her things when I asked her not to leave. I apologized for intruding on her piano playing the day before but explained I was so mesmerized I couldn't go. Imagine my surprise when she gave a small smile, which I could barely see through her brown locks of hair hanging around her face as her eyes remained focused on her lap.

I asked her how she was doing after her break-up with Jesse. She laughed as she finally looked up at me. This was the closest I had ever seen her face, her eyes. Beca said that she was just fine without Jesse. At least that's what I think she said. The intensity of her gaze totally threw my concentration.

I asked her if she wanted to go get ice cream or something sometime and girl-bond over lost love. She laughed and said something about 'no love lost' but agreed to hit the ice cream shop sometime. Then, because I'm a total idiot, I got up and left, headed to class without even getting her number.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe about freaked me out at lunch today. I was listening to the mixes I had made last week, and next thing I knew, a cute, bubbly redhead was sitting on the grass next to me. Wait a minute? Did I write cute? Where did that come from? Anyway, back to my story. She makes me so nervous that I was going to pack up and leave when she put her hand on my arm. Woah.

She said she was sorry for listening to my private moments playing the piano. She seemed sincere, and for some reason, I felt comfortable with her sitting there. Then she asked about Jesse and me. Said that we should get ice cream some time to soothe my lost love. Bah! I told her there was love lost between us, but ice cream did sound good.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

I've been thinking a lot about Chloe since yesterday. I guess I hadn't ever been that close to her before. I'd always thought her fire-engine red hair was intriguing but her eyes. God. Her eyes are the most amazing crystalline blue. Maybe I was never really into Jesse because… I'm more into girls.

I know I'm only a freshman, and she graduates this year. But _she's_ the one who asked me out for ice cream. Maybe she's just nice because she thinks I am having a hard time with my break up for whatever reason. But I may see if she was serious about that ice cream.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca caught me after choir practice and asked me if I was serious about the trip to get ice cream. At first, I didn't know what she was talking about, then yesterday's memories crashed down at how stupid I had been inviting her then not getting her number.

I flashed what I hoped was a cute smile and held out my hand for her phone. I put in my number, then texted myself and told her to let me know when she was free. As I turned to walk away, she put a hand on my arm. Electricity flowed through my arm and burst through my fingertips. She suggested tomorrow since it was Friday and all. So I guess I have a date. Or do I?

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I did it! I asked her if she wanted to get ice cream on Saturday. And she said yes.

Beca


	2. Picnic and Halloween

Dear Diary,

I changed clothes about fifty times this morning. I hope I looked pretty. I decided on a red and white stripy loose dress and leather sandals. She _did_ grin when she saw me. That’s a good sign, right? She’s sooooooooo cute. That she’s shy makes her even more adorable.

We both got double scoop cones and walked to the park across the street. The fall weather was so gorgeous that we found a beautiful place to eat our ice cream and visit. By the time either of us realized how long we’d been talking, the sun was starting to go down. Imagine my surprise when Beca asked me to grab something to eat. Nothing fancy, mind you. We went to one of my favorite dive diners. I had a burger and fries. Beca ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings. See what I mean, a grilled cheese sandwich? Adorable. But, eating at the diner meant that we got to spend even more time together.

Oh, you’ll never guess who we saw – Aubrey and that freshman that’s in her advanced classes, Stacie. They were only walking on the sidewalk, but they were looking pretty chummy. Beca didn’t want me to accost them. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t tease Aubrey later.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe was at the ice cream shop when I got there. I saw her sitting on the bench out front fiddling with her phone. My first thought was _woah; she’s hot._ I mean, I knew she was attractive but damn. And there she was in front of the ice cream store, waiting for me.

She was so easy to talk to, actually the first person I’ve enjoyed visiting with since I moved here. Yeah, there’s Jesse, but I’m not sure I can count him. Most of our time together was spent with him talking about movies and me daydreaming. But Chloe and I – we talked for hours before we both noticed how late it was getting. Of course, my stomach immediately started growling. I was so embarrassed. But we grabbed a bite to eat.

Chloe said there was a great café less than a block away, so we went there. I haven’t had a grilled cheese in ages, and I think Chloe got tickled at my childish choice. But it was good, and I’m happy that we got more time to talk.

I had to hurry to get home before curfew. Barely made it! Whew.

Beca

* * *

[Beca: I’m home. Sorry I had to cut out so early.]  
[Beca: Curfew blows.]  
[Chloe: We’ve all been there.]  
[Chloe: I had a great time Becs 😊]  
[Beca: Ditto]  
[Chloe: Maybe we can do it again sometime?]  
[Beca: Tomorrow?]

[pause]

[Beca: Too soon?]  
[Chloe: No, sorry. Aubrey called. Tomorrow would be great.]  
[Beca: Take advantage of the weekend, right?]

The two girls decided Chloe would drive since Beca wasn’t old enough to have a license yet. The redhead would pick Beca up at 10:30 am. Beca was tight-lipped about their plans but promised Chloe a good time.

* * *

Hey,

I spent last night hoping Chloe liked picnics – that it wouldn’t be too cheesy for her. Then I decided that everyone should like picnics. I got up super early and made Dad take me to the store. He acted happy that I’m making friends. He even helped me make sandwiches, cut some fruits and other stuff. I packed a few sodas and some lemonade.

I grabbed my JBL portable speakers and made sure my phone had my best mashups. I’m hoping her being in choir means she likes music other than what we sing at school. I never shared my music with Jesse. He knew I made mixes, but since it wasn’t movie related, Jesse didn’t seem much interested. Maybe Chloe will be different.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I had trouble going to sleep because I was wondering what Beca planned for today. Again, I took way too long to decide what to wear. Beca said to dress casual, so I donned shorts and a cute top and declared myself charming.

Aubrey called me last night, harassing me at how ecstatic I was about spending the afternoon with Beca. She told me nobody should be that enthusiastic about ice cream and burgers, especially with a freshman three years her junior _and_ a girl. I wasn’t sure she would ever understand. I didn’t bring up that we saw her and Stacie. But that’s okay. I don’t need her permission to like who I like.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe picked me up at 10:30 am sharp. She seemed surprised when I opened the back door and put the basket into her car. When I asked her how she felt about a picnic, Chloe lit up like a Christmas tree and seemed to be holding back some more enthusiastic reactions. Anyway, she told me she knew of a perfect spot. I was relieved since I was going to go back to where we were yesterday. The funny thing is – we went back to the same park, just on the other side.

Lunch went great. We. Talked. The. Whole. Time. By the time the food was mostly gone, I had finally worked up my nerve to let her listen to my music after making sure she knew she was the first person I had ever trusted to play it for them. Apparently she loved what she heard. I couldn’t help being embarrassed because she kept gushing praises.

Before we knew it, time got away from us again. Since tomorrow’s a school day, we decided to go ahead and make it an early night.

I really like her. Did I mention that?

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca’s surprise date, yes, I’m officially calling it a date, was a park picnic. My energy was zapped up by trying not to squeal and excitedly clap. I think she could tell how delighted I was. Not only did I get to spend another afternoon with Beca, but she also brought a picnic lunch. Sandwiches, fruit, cheeses, and even lemonade. We talked all during lunch while we ate.

Then, she broke out this portable speaker, which she connected to her phone. She played me some of her mixes. Told me the mashups were some of what she worked on in the quad during lunch. I was quite impressed. Her smile was small but genuine. I got the feeling she did not hear many compliments about her music.

I don’t care if she is a freshman. I like her. Screw Aubrey.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

The past week, my mind worked over-drive. All sorts of thoughts and feelings coursed through me. The problem is, those emotions, I don’t know what they are or how to interpret them. I mean, I like Chloe. I like her a lot. Anything that I thought was missing with Jesse isn’t missing with Chloe. I mean, Jesse’s a nice guy and all. I shouldn’t even compare them.

Ugh. Okay. I’ll just put this out there. I want to kiss Chloe. But is it too soon? Maybe I should ask her to be my girlfriend first then kiss her. But I’m just a freshman. She’s leaving for college in August. My brain is about to explode. Arrrgh!

My counselor said when my brain gets addled, that I should list things out. Even a pro/con list. Here goes:

I can’t stop thinking about Chloe – pro (I think. I like thinking about her.)  
I can’t stop looking at her lips, wondering what they feel like – pro  
She’s a girl; I’m a girl – con, or is it? Honestly, I don’t care either way. So neutral.  
Chloe is gorgeous – pro  
She’s a senior, and I’m a freshman – con  
I think she likes me back – pro

The pros definitely outweigh the cons. I just need to sack up and go for it.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

The Fall Festival/Homecoming Dance is this weekend. We all know it’s Halloween, but the teachers won’t let us call it Halloween. Next to Christmas, Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I can be anyone I want to be, and nobody can bother me for it. A perfect day of pretend. I’m crossing my fingers Beca will go with me. I’m going to ask her after choir.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Crap. Crap. Crap. Chloe cornered me after choir today and asked me to the dance this weekend. Apparently, they combine the fall festival with the homecoming dance. I can’t dance to save my life, and no way am I wearing a costume. When I told Chloe no, I thought she was going to cry. I didn’t even get a chance to explain before she grabbed her backpack and ran out.

I’m such a screw-up.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I think I messed up. I might have been a wee bit excited when I invited Beca to the dance. She looked at me like I was crazy and shook her head no. Didn’t even say anything. So – I got my stuff and ran. Guess I misread her intentions towards me. I thought she liked me.

I called Aubrey, which totally didn’t help. She has a date for the dance. Stacie. Surprise, right? Well, I’m not missing the Halloween dance even if I have to go alone.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

That girl Chloe and I saw with Aubrey when we were at the diner; I think her name is Stacie. (I suck at remembering names.) Anyway, she sat next to me on the wall outside during lunch today. She admitted she has the hots for Aubrey as if Chloe and I couldn’t tell the way they were canoodling at the park. Chloe wanted to confront them, but I convinced her to talk to Aubrey later. No reason in embarrassing Stacie – and well me. Now that I’ve met Stacie, I don’t think it’s possible to embarrass her.

Stacie was trying to convince me to go to the Homecoming, Halloween, Fall Festival, Whatever Dance. I told her no way in hell. She said that Aubrey said that Halloween was Chloe’s second favorite holiday, right after Christmas and that Chloe had told Aubrey that I wasn’t coming and was pretty upset about it. I guess Chloe likes Halloween more than I realized. Stacie was going with Aubrey but wouldn’t tell me what she and Aubrey were going as. But Chloe was going as Mary Poppins, and Aubrey wanted me to show up as Bert to surprise her.

That led to the discussion of how I don’t watch movies and had no idea who Mary Poppins and Bert were. Stacie gave me a brief run down and told me that Bert was a chimney sweep. She brought up a picture on her phone and swore she’d help me with the costume. I didn’t tell Stacie, but I thought I’d look pretty awesome as Bert, and then there was the added bonus of surprising Chloe. Of course, Stacie’s bonus was probably something to do with Aubrey.

I agreed to go. Stacie’s going to take me costume shopping after school. She has a hardship driver’s license and can drive despite being even younger than me. I hope I don’t end up regretting this.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

After Beca and I saw Aubrey and Stacie at the park, I thought they were moving towards being a couple. Aubrey told me they are going to the dance together with matching costumes and the works. But today at lunch, I saw Stacie sitting with Beca in the quad. Beca had acted like she didn’t even know Stacie before. Then – after school, Beca disappeared. I think I saw her getting in a car with Stacie.

Maybe her decision to not go to the dance with me was right after all. I honestly thought she liked me, but guess not. I shouldn’t dwell on things. She _is_ a freshman after all.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Stacie left my house a few minutes ago. She’s meeting Aubrey and Chloe at the dance. We decided I should get my dad to drop me off in about half an hour, long enough to make sure Chloe had arrived to be surprised. I spun around on the kitchen barstool then got back up to check myself out in the mirror. Stacie had dressed me in a blue button-down shirt, a vest, and suspenders. The red and blue checked scarf-tie-thing cracked me up, but Stacie insisted. I also had a classic chimney sweep hat and tool. She made sure I definitely looked the look down to the coal smudges on my face.

I hope Stacie is right, and this is enough to get Chloe to forgive me, or better yet – to forget that I didn’t even want to go to this shindig in the first place. My dad just pulled up and is honking — time to stop procrastinating and get to this dance.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

The Halloween dance was amazing. Aubrey had on this awesome white dress, gold wings, and a halo. She was a perfect angel. Then Stacie showed up. She had on a red dress, long red gloves, patent leather black boots, and little red devil horns. When I asked them if this meant they were an official couple, Stacie leaned over and kissed Aubrey on the cheek. Then Aubrey replied, “take it how you want it.”

I loved my Mary Poppins costume, complete with hat, umbrella, and carpetbag. I tried to keep from feeling sorry for myself. Going stag to my senior homecoming wasn’t bad. I mean, I was with my best friend. And then… Bert walked in. Mary Poppins’ partner in crime. When Bert got closer, I realized that it wasn’t just any Bert, but that Bert was Beca in full costume.

Of course, I screamed. Beca froze – her reaction was kind of comical. I hope she gets used to my exuberance because that’s who I am. I latched onto Beca, my Bert, and didn’t let go the rest of the night. I can’t believe she showed up. Not only did she come, but her costume also matched mine. That’s why Stacie was talking to her at lunch! Aubrey put her up to it. Regardless, I’m thankful that my bestie was looking out for me.

Beca was going to call her dad when her curfew was getting close, but I insisted on driving her home. For a girl who acts so shy, she sure was bold when she reached over and grabbed my hand while I was driving. Maybe she does like me after all.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I guess the dance was a success. Needless to say, Chloe was surprised to see me. And happy by the sounds of her shrieks. When I saw her barreling towards me, I thought she was going to tackle me. Then, once she hooked her arm in mine, Mary Poppins and Bert were joined at the figurative hip.

When curfew got close, I pulled out my phone to call my dad to pick me up. Chloe snatched my phone from my hand and slipped it back into my pocket. She insisted on driving me home, which I thought was incredibly sweet since she doesn’t have curfew like me. I don’t know what got into me, though. Before I knew what was happening, I was holding her hand. I was afraid Chloe would pull away, but she squeezed my hand and flashed me that remarkable smile.

When we pulled up at my house, I got that feeling down in my gut – that one that I’ve been trying to define all week. I thought I was going to have the nerve to kiss her, but of course, I chickened out.

Beca

* * *

[Chloe: I’m home safe and sound.]  
[Chloe: Thanks for coming out tonight.]  
[Beca: No problem.]  
[Beca: Wasn’t as painful as I thought. LOL]  
[Chloe: Free tomorrow?]  
[Beca: Duh]  
[Chloe: Mind if I invite Aubrey and Stacie?]  
[Beca: Fine by me – as long as I get to see you.]  
[Chloe: I’ll pick you up at 10:30]


	3. Flowers & Thanksgiving

Dear Diary,

Last night after I got in bed, I started thinking. I wonder how Beca worked up the nerve to hold my hand on the way home. She was probably too traumatized to do anything else. When I dropped Beca off, I should have walked her to the door. Kissed her on the steps, maybe? No, that’s cheesy. But I could have leaned over and kissed her before she got out of the car.

What would have happened if she freaked out? She may not have wanted to kiss me. I’m about to the point where I don’t care. She’s beyond irresistible. So pretty soon, I’m going to stop resisting. I NEED to feel her lips.

Plus, I think she may like me, too. I woke up to a text this morning. It made me smile. She wanted to make sure we were still on for today.

Speaking of, time for me to go. Wish me luck.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I sent Chloe a good morning text this morning. Is that childish? Probably, but I don’t care. I wanted to make sure our date was still on. She sent me lots of smiley and rainbow icons back, which I suppose was her way of saying good morning back – and yes. Not sure how I feel about having Aubrey and Stacie join us. But - doesn’t matter long as I’m with Chloe.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Where do I start? I suppose at the beginning. When I picked up Beca, she was grinning from ear to ear. As she slid into the passenger seat, she leaned over and kissed my cheek. I thought about doing the smooth turn-my-head-and-sneak-a-kiss-on-the-lips thing. But I didn’t. We beat Aubrey and Stacie to the restaurant and scored a booth so we could sit next to each other.

Aubrey seemed more into Stacie than I realized. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. At least Beca wasn’t hanging all over me. She did scoot waaaayyyyy close and held my hand. I haven’t figured out why her holding my hand made me feel all giggly. But enough of that. On with my story.

After lunch, we went on our now-traditional walk. Beca wrapped her arm around me, hugging me to her as we matched steps. Suddenly she stopped, asked me to wait for her, and whatever I did, not to turn around. You know I had to sneak a peek and caught her ducking into a store we had just passed. I faced back the way I was supposed to and was daydreaming. Next thing I knew, the most beautiful bouquet was in front of me. Beca poked her head around with a silly grin and handed me the bundle.

Of course, I squealed. (I think Beca’s getting used to that.) She wiped her hands on her jeans then said something about pretty things for pretty girls. I was super surprised. And then... a larger surprise. She gave a loveable speech that ended with her asking me to be her girlfriend. I was stunned, so shocked I couldn’t quite get a response out. When her grin started to fade, I knew I needed to answer her quick. I told her I would on one condition. Then I did what I’d wanted to do since the first time we had ice cream. I kissed her.

I had no idea how she’d react. But. She kissed me back. Beca – my girlfriend – kissed me back.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

When Chloe picked me up, I don’t know what got into me. I leaned right over and gave her a kiss like it was the most natural thing in the world. The feeling was indescribable. We found a booth, and she discreetly pushed me in and slid in next to me. Was I wrong in closing the gap between us and making sure her hand never left mine? I don’t think so.

Chloe insisted on taking what was becoming our regular walk. We passed a flower shop, and inspiration hit me. I made her promise to stay where she was and not to watch where I was going. I picked out the most colorful spray of flowers I saw and trotted back to Chloe. She seemed to be daydreaming, so I thrust them in front of her. She shrieked, not like a bad shriek but a surprised, shocked shriek.

I hadn’t talked much during lunch because I’d been rehearsing what I was going to say if the situation presented itself. Then I gave my speech just as I’d played it out in my head. Well mostly. I think the flowers caught her off guard, so maybe she didn’t listen to my word vomit. “Chloe, I’m not exactly sure how to do this. I’ve only dated one person, and now I realize that he honestly shouldn’t count. I know I’m only a freshman, but I like you. A lot. Even if I only get this one year with you, will you honor me by being my girlfriend?”

Chloe didn’t make a peep, and my eyes were glued to the ground. Of course, I thought the worse. The next thing I felt was her soft hand beneath my chin, lifting my face. Her blue eyes seemed even brighter as she moved her face close to mine, eventually pressing our foreheads together.

I finally was put out of my misery when she said she’d love to be my girlfriend ... on one condition. She then leaned forward and kissed me. Chloe Beale kissed me!

Beca

* * *

Hey,

I can’t sleep. Chloe has done a number on me. Why else would I be awake at four am? Anybody that knows me knows I love my sleep. I still can’t believe Chloe kissed me. She floored me. We made our way over to where we had our picnic. Chloe sat facing me and wrapped her legs around my waist. She had a thing about putting her hands on my cheeks, holding my face when she kissed me like I’m going to pull away or something. Her lips brushed mine: softly, delicately, like butterfly wings, just long enough that I could inhale her breath and feel the warmth of her skin. The taste of her lip gloss lingered long after we broke apart.

I knew my face had to be flushed when she gazed at me before spinning around and settling into my chest. I wrapped my legs over hers and hooked my chin over her shoulder. She thanked me again for surprising her at the dance last night. She pulled out her phone and started flipping through photos. I don’t know where she came up with all the pictures of us at Homecoming, but I have to say I looked great as Bert. I made a mental note to thank Stacie.

I still can’t believe Chloe’s my girlfriend. And she kissed me.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I finally got Aubrey to take a break from Stacie today at lunch. With Thanksgiving coming up soon, I needed to find out if our usual plans were still on. Every year we’ve been in high school, we’ve spent all day Thursday at the local shelter feeding people. I could tell she hadn’t put any thought into it. I’ll admit I was disappointed since our tradition means something to me. She said she had Stacie to think about now. Then I realized I need to consider Beca.

Things are going great with Beca. She’s incredibly kind. And maybe it’s my mind that keeps messing with me, but I think our make-out sessions improve every time. She’s so soft… and gentle. I adore her!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe took me to my house after school today and asked if she could come inside. I knew my dad would be home soon, which kind of made me nervous. But they had to meet sometime. I had told him I was dating someone. I think he could tell I was worried about admitting that. I was relieved when he didn’t ask any questions.

I offered Chloe something to drink – water, iced tea, or Kool-Aid. We sat at the kitchen bar for a while. Then she asked me what my family usually did on Thanksgiving. By my family, she meant my dad and me. I told her we’d probably get some turkey T.V. dinners and watch football with the sound off and Nutcracker music playing. When I told her that sometimes the plays matched the music, I thought grape Kool-Aid was going to come out her nose. She laughed longer than she should have, especially since that’s what my dad and I do.

She told me how she and Aubrey went to the shelter every year and served Thanksgiving meals to the homeless. She asked if I might be interested in going. While football and the Nutcracker was a long-time Mitchell family tradition, volunteering sounded selfless and something to truly be thankful for. I leaned over, kissed her, and told her I’d love to tag along.

When my dad cleared his throat behind us, I about fell off my barstool. I was so wrapped up in Chloe that he snuck up on me. My face was probably scarlet, but he seemed to take it all in stride – even when I introduced Chloe as my girlfriend. She charmed him like she does everyone. So I think it’s all good. But I still can’t believe he snuck in without me hearing. Chloe finished her Kool-Aid and put her cup in the sink. I walked her to the door and sneaked in another kiss before she left, this time without my dad watching.

When I went back to face my dad, he was cool about things. He asked the easy stuff – where we met, how old she was, had I met her parents… questions like that. He didn’t give me the sex talk. At least not right now. Whew.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe Beca’s dad busted us kissing. Smooth move, Beale. What a way to make a first impression, huh? Oh well, can’t change things. As I drove home, I had an idea. I called Aubrey as soon as I got back to my house to see what she thought, and she was so excited. I’m going to talk to my parents when they get home. If we get the green light, we can speak with Stacie and Beca tomorrow during lunch.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I got the okay from my folks. This Thanksgiving is going to be epic.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe and Aubrey herded Stacie and me to one table during lunch. Stacie and I had both agreed to volunteer at the shelter on Thursday. Chloe laid out a plan. She wanted to invite my dad, Aubrey’s mom, and Stacie’s parents to a real Thanksgiving lunch on Wednesday. Aubrey’s dad was out of the country. Stacie said her mom was going to be visiting her sister in Minneapolis (who goes to places that cold on holiday), but her dad would probably come. I know my dad would be all in, especially for a home-cooked meal.

Chloe’s dad would handle the turkey and her mom, the decorations along with Aubrey’s mom. The sides and desserts would be up to the four of us. I claimed pies while Chloe and Aubrey had their favorite traditional sides. I got some strange looks, so I broke down and shared the rest of the story I hadn’t told Chloe. My mom taught me to bake – from scratch. Stacie looked lost, so I invited her to make pies with me.

Thanksgiving is so going to beat T.V. dinners this year. I’ve missed holiday dinners since my mom passed. Thanksgiving lunch for nine. Instant family!

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Our Friendsgiving (Familygiving doesn’t sound right) is going to be great. Everyone is so excited. Dad got a deep fryer for the turkey. He claimed it would be juicier, but I think he just wanted a new toy. Beca and Stacie’s dads were assigned to assist with turkey duty. (I made sure there were enough fire extinguishers.)

Aubrey and I had everyone submit their favorite sides. With nine people, we wanted to make sure there was plenty of food. We spent an entire afternoon finding family recipes and searching online for those we couldn’t find in any family books. We knew we’d have to start cooking some things on Tuesday because my mom only has one oven. As organized as Aubrey is, she had everything timed down to the minute. Literally.

I’m so excited.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I can’t believe I agreed to do pies. Stacie kept teasing me because I got so nervous. Nine people, four types of pie: pumpkin (duh), apple, pecan, and chocolate meringue. We figured we’d make three pumpkin pies and two of everything else. If there were too many left over, we could always take them to the shelter the next day.

Stacie didn’t understand why I wanted to make the pie-dough myself when there were perfectly good pre-made crusts at the store that could be rolled out. I told her how my mom and I used to bake during the holidays, and everything was from scratch – even the crusts. But when I taught Stacie how to make a lattice top for the apple pie, she was impressed and gave me props for making my pie dough. Everything’s better when made from scratch.

Somehow she got me to talk more about mom, which made me realize that I hadn’t spoken to anyone about things with my mom except my therapist, not even to Chloe. I think it was cathartic – hard to bake while crying – but I finally got a grip. Stacie’s a good listener. I’m glad she came over to cook with me.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Thanksgiving was better than I ever dreamed. Aubrey woke me up at the crack of dawn to make sure her schedule stayed on track. When the rest of the parents came in, I ushered Beca and Stacie’s dad to the garage with Dad. Mom and Aubrey’s mom cracked open a bottle of wine, started making a centerpiece, and setting the table. When I asked her if she wanted me to take some to Dad, she laughed and let me know the men had scotch… and cigars. He had dragged a few recliners to the garage, so they were golden.

When my girlfriend walked in carrying the pies, she blushed when I kissed her. I got pretty confused when she and Stacie both headed back outside. They made NINE pies. Nine! When I teased Beca about making one for each person, she gave a small sideways grin.

Thanks to Aubrey’s schedule, we sat down to eat right on time. The turkey was marvelous – crisp skin and tender meat – just as my dad promised. The adults raved about all the food. Mom seemed astounded, which was almost offensive because Aubrey and I worked out asses off on the sides. My dad kept eyeing the pies like it wasn’t a tradition to overstuff yourself on the meal, take a nap, then go in for pie. He finally caved and went in for thirds.

When everybody had about pushed back from the table, the men went back to the garage. We tried to start clearing the table, but my mom and Aubrey’s mom shooed us away. I guess there was a benefit for us slaving over the ovens. We went to the basement with some ginger ale and popped in a movie.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Thanksgiving was pretty amazing. The food was to die for. Chloe gave me a hard time about how many pies Stacie and I made. After we ate, we went downstairs and watched a movie. Yeah, I fell asleep. I could blame it on the tryptophan, but everyone knows that’s not true. Next thing I knew, Chloe was poking me in the side and peppering kisses over my face to wake me up, I guess. She announced pie time had arrived. Aubrey and Stacie groaned, but we all got up anyway and traipsed back upstairs.

The dads had already wrecked several of the pies and were sitting around the table. When I found an almost empty container of store-bought whipped topping, I grabbed it and whacked my dad over the head with a solid thump. I told him I was ashamed of him. Everyone else was confused, but I knew he knew exactly what was wrong.

I asked Chloe to get her mom’s mixer out for me while I got heavy whipping cream and the stainless mixing bowl from the fridge and sugar. I’d put the bowl in to get cold before we went downstairs. I still can’t believe my dad had that chemical crap when he knew mom, and I had always made whipped cream fresh from scratch. Guess he’ll use this as an excuse for some more pie.

I watched Stacie explaining the lattice tops on the apple pies to Aubrey. She was so proud, I thought her boobs were going to burst out through her shirt. Not that I look at her boobs or anything. Now Chloe’s… hers make me realize that I’m a definite boob man.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary:

Six am came early this morning. We had a slumber party in the basement last night, which might have been a mistake since most of the time was spent giggling and making out. Stacie was pretty bold, but I think Aubrey put the brakes on going further since Beca and I were lying right next to them. Poor Beca. For the first time, the chemistry felt off with her. Maybe she was just nervous because Aubrey and Stacie were on the other air mattress right next to us. Eventually, she relaxed into things, and we found our rhythm.

Anyway, we rolled out of bed, poured huge travel cups of coffee, and were on the road by 6:30. The volunteer supervisor handed out aprons and immediately put us to work. About an hour into our shift, we were surprised when five new people joined us. Our parents! We hadn’t discussed them joining us, but they said that since we cooked – the least they could do was help out at the shelter.

Ugh. I’m exhausted. I can’t write anymore. Good night.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

We all stayed in Chloe’s basement last night so that we could get up early and make it to the shelter on time. When Chloe started kissing and sucking on my neck, I was incredibly turned on. She kept trying to kiss me, but I think having Aubrey and Stacie so close weirded me out. My tension was ruining things even though I wanted our kisses to be perfect and not be jacked up with my fear of rejection. When I remembered Chloe had yet to turn me down, I loosened up and just let go. She’s an amazing girlfriend – very patient.

The next day all our parents showed up at the shelter. We all had a good time bonding while helping to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the hundreds of people who showed up. They were so appreciative which made me feel all warm inside. I never knew volunteer service like this could feel so good.

When we were all done and hanging out in the break room, Dad broke the news that he’d recorded the football games and invited everyone to our house tomorrow for leftovers and Nutcracker Football. Cracked me up, but still getting to have our tradition ticked me to no end. AND get to share it with my friends and their families. Priceless.

All in all – best Thanksgiving I’d had in a long time.

Beca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve struggled with keeping the tense consistent while writing in the diary/journal format. I know I changed tense in one section of this chapter. If it’s not too distracting to the readers, I may keep throwing in some of the present tense.


	4. Christmas Cheer

Dear Diary:

I can’t believe I have to get up to go to school tomorrow. The holiday was far too short. But we did cram a lot of good times into a short period. Volunteering this year was super sweet with Beca and Stacie. I hope they keep up the tradition after me and Aubrey graduate. Then when our parents showed up… mind blown!

Beca opted out of hanging out for the Beale Christmas decorating tradition. She claimed she needed time to recover and wanted to spend time with her dad since this was their first Thanksgiving without her mom. I get that. I mean, I don’t know how she would be feeling. But I can appreciate her wanting to be alone with her dad.

Mom, Dad, and I got most of the Christmas decorations up. And with that, now I get to be in total Christmas mode. And that includes what to get Beca! Presents are the best part of Christmas!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I’m. So. Exhausted. Volunteering was righteous but sucked a lot of me. When Chloe wanted me to help her decorate her house, I had to call calf-rope. I knew my dad, and I needed some quiet time together, but I also had a project that I needed to finish before school on Monday.

I guess since Thanksgiving is over, we just entered the month of Chloe’s favorite season – Christmastime. I have no idea what I’m going to get her for Christmas, but I know what I can do for pre-Christmas. Music. I can do some mashups with classic songs along with an original or two.

Dad and I talked a lot, which was surprising. He asked how I was doing, our first Thanksgiving without Mom. I made sure Dad knew I was just as concerned with his well-being as he was with mine. He let me know that he appreciated spending Thanksgiving as we did. I hope he hangs out with the Beales and the other parents more going forward. Dad needs more friends, too.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca was a sneak today. We hadn’t seen each other since Thursday, so I was feeling pitiful. I joined her on the quad for lunch. (The senior tables aren’t fun for Aubrey and me since our girlfriends can’t hang out with us.) Anyway, she stole my phone. Not sure how she snuck it out of my pocket, but before I realized what was going on, she had it plugged into her computer. I teased her about installing a virus. She just rolled her eyes and didn’t deign my comment with a response.

I seriously had no idea what she was doing, but I hoped it was something to do with music. This was Beca I’m talking about. When she gave me my phone back, I found a new playlist. What do I do? Squeal, of course. She ducked her head, but I could tell she was pleased that I was happy. She told me she’d rather spend our lunchtime visiting but that she’d let me listen to one song so I would calm down. She cued up the song, plugged in her big headphones, and slipped them over my head.

A new version of _Winter Wonderland_ I’d never heard came on. Snoop Dogg singing a holiday song cracked me up. Then a new beat started, and a new voice joined in singing _Here Comes Santa Clause_ laid over Snoop’s song. The more I heard of the new voice, the more confused I became. I paused it to look at Beca, but she reached over and pressed play again. When the song was over, Beca grinned but wouldn’t look at me. When I asked her who was singing, she kept looking down but blushed. Eventually, she admitted she was the one singing. Her voice – stellar! She worked on it for several hours before she was satisfied enough for the song to make the playlist.

Anyway, I now have this new and astonishing Christmas playlist. Score! And maybe I need to talk with the choir teacher, spill some secrets about my girlfriend.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

The playlist I made for Chloe was a hit. She loved the mashups, especially the mix I made with that obscure Snoop Dogg Christmas song I dug up from some archives somewhere. I didn’t think she would be so impressed with my singing. I don’t think my voice is so hot.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

It’s time for the Barden Winter Show. We have a talent program twice a year – winter and spring. Winter program typically is a showcase with categories in singing, dancing, and comedy. Beca tried to act like she was miffed when she told me the choir teacher wanted her to do that Snoop Dogg duet for the Winter Show.

But she couldn’t hide her grin for long, not when I started kissing her neck. I glanced over to make sure my bedroom door was open, my parents’ concession for letting Beca come over when they weren’t home. When our lips touched this time, I felt like something in my stomach had exploded, but in a good way. Beca followed my lead, moving our lips and tongue in sync together, and it felt nice. More than nice. Beca reached up and caressed my cheek lightly. Her fingers sent tingles into my skin. When we eventually pulled apart, her cheeks were as pink as mine felt.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

The choir teacher came to me today and said she ‘heard I could sing.’ I told her that I didn’t sing more by choice. She then let me know Chloe had played my _Winter Wonderland Here Comes Santa Clause_ mix for her. She asked if I’d be interested in performing it in the Winter Show, said the student body would get a kick out of it. Then she asked if I could put together a setlist for the choir – holiday songs for their performance. While I had meant for Chloe to keep her playlist private, I almost felt proud that she thought enough to share with the choir teacher and the choir teacher talking to me.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Chloe broke the news today that she and her parents were going out of town for Christmas, something they’d done for the past several years. She’d been acting weird most the week. I suppose this is why. She told me she tried to talk her parents into letting her stay home this Christmas, but they wouldn’t budge. Yeah, I’d love to spend the time with her, but come on, it’s her family. Plus, Aubrey’s dad was almost always deployed during the holidays. Tradition had Chloe, and her family, Aubrey and her mother, all going on a long weekend ski trip to Colorado. I teased Chloe that Stacie and I would make our own traditions. She didn’t know whether or not to take me seriously.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca took the news pretty good – about Aubrey and I being gone for Christmas. I was afraid she’d be upset with me. We are going to get together with Stacie and Aubrey the night before we leave and exchange presents. I think I’ve figured out the perfect gift for Beca.

Stacie’s been texting me with ideas for Beca and tossing some ideas around for Aubrey, too. She wanted to give Aubrey herself – wearing nothing more than a sexy teddie. For being only fourteen, she sure seems forward – if you know what I mean. I hope I talked her out of that present. I know Aubrey cares about Stacie, but I don’t think my best friend is ready for that sort of pressure.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Our crew exchanges presents tomorrow. I hope Chloe likes what I got her. These concert tickets sold out within an hour of going on sale. My dad had some connections who helped me out with a pair. The gig isn’t until mid-January, so she’ll have a while to stay excited.

Stacie was talking about getting herself a racy bra and panty set. She’s talked a lot about wanting to have sex with Aubrey. Kinda makes me nervous whenever she does that. I mean, Chloe is adorable and all. But – I’m only fifteen. I’m not sure I’m ready for all that yet. Sometimes that’s all Stacie talks about. Anyway, Chloe must have talked her out of that because she got Aubrey a gift certificate to a place called The Candle Lab. That experience includes experimenting with personalized scents then hand pouring soy candles. I think that’s a pretty cool present. Fits Aubrey perfectly.

Time to go. The cookies should be cool enough to frost by now. The pre-Christmas party is here. Chloe’s coming over with eggnog tomorrow and early enough to make sure my living room’s suitably decorated festively for the day.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I’m so glad we had our little get-together today. Beca made the most delicious, darling cookies shaped like every holiday-related creature in existence. Boy, were they yummy, too.

Beca finally announced it was present-opening time. I think she was tired of me looking under the tree every few seconds. I know there were only four presents, but I volunteered to be Santa’s elf because that’s a jolly job.

My girlfriend went ballistic when she opened the coupon for her custom Converse tennis shoes. I told her if she ordered them tomorrow, they might get here in time for our New Year’s Eve date. She insisted on waiting so I could help pick them out. She’s such a darling to want my input. I’m glad Stacie gave me some good advice on the present.

Aubrey got Stacie some yoga sessions – goat yoga. The practice combines yoga, which Stacie is really into, and goat or animal therapy. Aubrey said she observed a goat yoga session, and people seemed to enjoy the baby hoofed animals joining in their exercise. Aubrey made Beca promise to take pictures if Stacie went while they were gone.

Beca gave me tickets to see my favorite band. She won’t tell me how she got them, and I know they were sold out almost as soon as they went on sale – because I tried to buy some. I was nervous when Aubrey started to open her gift yet pleasantly surprised to see a Stacie hadn’t gotten lingerie but a session at a new place in town called Candle Lab.

We visited almost all evening and laughed until Aubrey reminded me we had to leave early in the morning. I promised Beca to play the Christmas playlist she made me on repeat for the entire trip. Kissing Beca goodbye seemed a little more special this time. I’m going to miss her something fierce, and this is going to be our first extended time apart.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Waking up this morning sucked. Being on break from school and not being able to spend time with Chloe, the new few days were going to be miserable. At least Stacie was still in town. Her parents invited me and dad over for Christmas lunch. Said cooking for five was easier than three. I didn’t think Christmas was going to be an all-out affair like Thanksgiving, but they prepared a goose and a bunch of different sides I’d never had before. Woah! Regardless, it was nice to be with the Conrads.

Stacie said her mom didn’t want us to bring anything, but I insisted on bringing pies – lemon chess, blackberry-apple, and pumpkin, of course. I think Stacie’s mom was glad for that. Less cooking for her. I’d forgotten she wasn’t with us for Thanksgiving.

We had just finished cleaning the kitchen when Stacie’s FaceTime rang. She raced into the back room. I could hear how excited she was when she answered. I was surprised to hear her call out for me. I figured she wanted to talk to Aubrey alone. Imagine my shock to see Chloe’s face right next to Aubrey’s. All four of us were waving like fools.

They had spent the day at the ski lodge on the slopes most the day, and the lodge had a huge buffet meal set up all day. I proudly informed them they missed goose but promised to send all the food pictures we took. Chloe took Aubrey’s phone and flipped the camera around. They stepped outside and panned the phone around so we could see the snow, the ski lifts, and the slopes. Colorado was gorgeous.

I’m grateful they called. I miss Chloe more than I thought.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca and Stacie sent us tons of pictures of their Christmas Day. I think I’m a bit jealous. The ski lodge put out a good spread, but goose? And I believe I drooled a bit looking at Beca’s pies. I know I’m having a blast on the slopes, but it would have been more fun if Beca were with me. I miss her, so sue me.

We’ve taken tons of pictures. Most have gone on Instagram, but our girls have gotten some special ones – wink, wink. Sexy snowsuits!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

During our downtime from skiing, Aubrey and I spent a lot of time talking about Beca and Stacie. Aubrey was a bit stressed with how strong Stacie came on to her. I told her about the present Stacie _was_ going to give her and let her know that Beca and I both convinced her to get Aubrey something else.

We talked about how strange it was how both of us made it to our senior year of high school as virgins. I could tell Aubrey was close to caving. They’ll probably hook up for Stacie’s birthday in March. Aubrey won’t be able to stave off Stacie’s high sex drive for long.

I’m afraid Beca would flip out! Anyway, time to hit the slopes again.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I’m glad I got to spend some more time with my dad. We talked about how things with me. I let him know that the therapist felt we could cut back on sessions after the holidays, and I agreed. I think he was proud of me. We discussed how things were at school and with Chloe.

For Christmas, he gave me some fantastic new mixing equipment. But even better, he made arrangements for dinner on the night of the concert– AND a limo. Stellar! I am still shocked he’s taking me being gay so well and making such an effort to accept Chloe being my girlfriend.

Chloe’s due to come home tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Beca


	5. New Year's Eve

Dear Diary,

I was so exhausted when we got back from our ski trip. Beca wanted to give me time to unpack and rest, but I insisted on picking her up so we could see each other. I know I was only gone a few days, but it was a few too many. I needed my Beca fix!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Chloe’s home. Yay. I know she’s gotta be tired, but she’s on her way over to pick me up. Why am I nervous about this? I think I’m just excited. She just pulled up. More later!

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I could have sworn Beca was almost skipping to my car. When she got in, I teased her about it after leaning over and getting a kiss. She playfully shoved my shoulder and told me to shut up. I drove to our spot in the park and snagged the blanket that now had a permanent place in my trunk. Beca leaned up against the tree, and I snuggled up between her legs, as usual. She chattered away about spending time at the Conrads and hanging out with Stacie. She doesn’t get to talking like this often, so I let her talk.

The longer she talked, the more I couldn’t resist keeping my hands off her. I started slowly running my hands up and down her legs. Seemed natural. I realized after a bit, Beca had stopped talking. I gripped her thighs a little tighter as she started to squirm. She lifted her hips and pressed her center against my back. I turned around, straddled her, and locked my eyes with hers. She swallowed and was staring at my lips. Her voice was quiet yet not timid when she asked me to kiss her.

I cupped her face with my hand and stroked her cheek. She slipped her hands to my hips and asked me again to kiss her. So I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her for what seemed like forever. When I eventually backed away and looked at Beca. Her was head lolled back against the tree, eyes closed. I leaned forward and kissed her neck as she put her hands on my hips. I felt my stomach drop when Beca’s hands moved up to my shoulders. She pulled me towards her, almost roughly, and kissed me harder than ever before.

When I slipped my tongue against Beca’s lips, she immediately responded in kind, opening her mouth for me. Our tongues intertwined, allowing me to get more worked up than ever before. I inadvertently moaned and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. We stopped again, both panting from lack of breath. She told me how she’d done nothing the entire time I was gone except think of kissing me. I told her if that was the case, she shouldn’t stop.

Somehow we ended up lying side by side under our favorite tree. Our kissing slowed from feverish and urgent to a much slower, tender pace. Beca’s hands slid from my shoulders to rest on my hips. As we kissed, one of her hands began to drift up my side. When her fingers brushed against my breast, I gasped. I guess it caught me off guard. Well, Beca was mortified and jumped back, rolling away from me. When I tried to get her to turn back over, she kept apologizing.

I finally got her to face me again. I told her that her touching me was natural, particularly at how worked up as we both were after not seeing each other for so long. Frankly, I wanted nothing more than to start kissing her again. But she was too horrified that she had touched my breast.

I wasn’t ready to go home yet, but I had to respect her request to take her home. Maybe she’ll be okay after she’s had some time to relax.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I am utterly horrified. Chloe and I went to the park and started kissing (imagine that). Somehow we ended up laying down and got into a pretty heavy make-out session. She had me so worked up, and I was moving my hands up and down her sides. Felt natural. Suddenly Chloe gasped. I realized my hand was resting on her breast. Of course, I jumped away and rolled over. I felt like I had invaded her privacy big time. She tried to tell me things were okay. As much as I wanted to kiss her again, I couldn’t chance of offending her. I just had her bring me home.

Beca

* * *

[Beca: Chlo?]  
[Beca: I’m so sorry.]  
[Chloe: I told you there’s nothing to be sorry for.]  
[Beca: For making you bring me home.]  
[Beca: I missed you so much.]  
[Beca: Then I let myself get carried away.]  
[Chloe: Woah Becs. You didn’t do anything wrong.]  
[Chloe: Maybe I liked you touching me.]

* * *

Hey,

I texted Chloe to tell her I was sorry. She hinted at how maybe she liked me touching her there. Now I’m afraid she wants us to go further. I don’t think I’m ready for that. But what if I lose Chloe? I’m just a freshman. She’s a senior and probably tired of going at a snail’s pace. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

She’s going to come over tomorrow so we can talk.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I feel a little better since Beca texted me after I got home. I’m going to head over there tomorrow so we can talk.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

Since Beca was so adamant about going home yesterday, I forgot to give her the present I brought her from Vail. I know it’s not much, but I thought it was cute. I hope Beca and I can work things out. I mean, all she did was touch my breast. Maybe I can get her to do it again. Just kidding.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I’m more nervous today than I was yesterday. I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was racing, full of thoughts of Chloe. Her lips, her skin, her body. When Chloe and Aubrey were gone, Stacie filled my mind of things she wanted to do to Aubrey. I think that’s what got into my head. Regardless, when Chloe kisses me, I get these weird feelings. I haven’t decided if I like them. I mean, I don’t NOT like them.

Oops, I hear her car pulling up. Later.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Chloe left a while ago. I’m not sure how long I’ve sat here trying to write. The words don’t seem to want to come. My feelings are so mixed up, and I’m so worked up. I thought I was confused last night. Well, now I’m bewildered beyond belief.

When Chloe got here, we ordered Chinese food and visited a bit. Mostly about what Stacie and I had done while she was gone. I didn’t tell her Stacie’s explicit tales of what she wanted to do to Aubrey. Knowing what Chloe came over to discuss with me, I didn’t feel quite right talking about Stacie’s fantasies. I tried to play it cool.

When Chloe went to the restroom, I got up to put up the left-over food. When she came back, I stood in front of her and grabbed her hands. Pulling her into me, I kissed her. We sat back down on the couch. I brought up the afternoon before, what happened at the park. Chloe silenced me with a finger on my lips. Her bright blue eyes bore into mine as she leaned forward and kissed me.

I felt that spark, the pull from my stomach. Then I remembered we needed to talk before things got out of hand again, and I leaned back. Chloe slipped her hand behind my neck and pulled me back. She began kissing me again. I guess I got antsy because then Chloe took my hand and placed it on her cheek. As I relaxed, she gently moved my hand down further. This time as my hand touched her breast, I think I’m the one who gasped. She took a deep breath and moved her chest into my hand.

I tried to move my hand, but she covered it with her own, pressing my fingers into her flesh. Instinctively, I slipped my other hand to the small over her back. I wasn’t expecting her shirt to have ridden up some. Connecting with her skin brought fire to mine. Chloe kissed me hard, backed me up, and lowered me down onto the couch.

Talking through the kiss, I asked her if we needed to stop or slow down even. She told me to hush and to kiss her. I let things go a little further than halted the entire make-out session. That was hard because I wanted nothing more than to keep going and to see what these sensations in my body meant or where they led.

After we both collected our wits, I told her that I enjoyed being with her, kissing her, and liked the way she made me feel. Then I told her I wasn’t ready to go all the way through. She giggled – which was almost offensive – until she told me she wasn’t ready either. I was shocked to find out she was a virgin. She told me we didn’t have to take things past where I felt uncomfortable.

Chloe assured me I wasn’t a disappointment then apologized for trying to push things too far. We’d have to take things one day at a time. Now I’m hoping some of those days that includes me getting to play with her boobs.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

I gave Beca the miniature snow globe from the ski-resort. She got a kick out of it. I adore her smile. We ordered some Chinese food and visited a bit about what she and Stacie had done while we were gone. I feel like she was holding something back, but that’s okay.

We started making out again and started down that path of getting carried away when she stopped me. Cold. When she told me she wasn’t ready to have sex, I couldn’t help but chuckle. She was surprised when I told her I had never given myself to anyone. I wanted to say to her I’d be happy to give myself to her, but I don’t think she wanted to hear that. She was nervous already.

I’m not sure what else to say. I hope I wasn’t too pushy.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe we didn’t plan anything for New Years'. I guess with all the hoopla around our Christmas trip, neither Aubrey nor I gave New Years’ a second thought. In previous years, we spent it with just the two of us watching Netflix and eating junk food. Now we both have girlfriends.

Aubrey came over, and we put together the idea of a lock-in in my basement. We could invite some of our other friends, too. They’d have to show up by eight pm or be locked out. Nobody could leave before seven am the next morning, thus the concept of a lock-in. When my parents got home, they loved the idea, especially for our senior friends. Everyone staying in one place, safe from all the drunks on the road. Parents wouldn’t have to worry about their kids since they would be in a supervised location.

Once we got the okay from the ‘rents, we texted Stacie and Beca to come over to help us plan. This is going to be an epic celebration.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Stacie and I spent the afternoon at Chloe’s, along with Aubrey planning a New Year’s Eve party. Apparently we are having something called a lock-in. Our friends have to be there by a specific time and can’t leave until sometime the next morning.

I swear Aubrey makes meticulous plans. There was the guest list (ten of us in total) food, snacks, drinks, games, movies, and lots more. We also had to come up with bedding, air mattresses, and pillows. It was hard to keep from laughing. Stacie was making faces at me. I know she adores Aubrey, but I think sometimes she cracks up at how uptight Aubrey can be with things like planning.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

It’s New Year’s Eve, and everything is all set. My parents promised they wouldn’t come downstairs. That would be so embarrassing. They did make me swear I’d call them if I needed them. Anyway, everything is in place. I’m excited. We are going to have a legendary bash.

Oh, I need to run. I’m late to get Beca. Can’t keep her waiting.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

New Year’s was pretty impressive. I had seen most of the people from around school; many were in the choir. Chloe said it’s good for me to step out of my comfort zone and meet new folks anyway. There was more food than we could have ever thought about eating. We watched movies – kept pausing them to flip on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest. He had some great guests, but sometimes that whole production got boring, and we’d go back to our movies.

When the ball got ready to drop, Chloe and Aubrey pulled out the sparkling cider. People popped the corks and poured cups. I thought the countdown would be anti-climatic until I realized that one of the traditions I hoped actually existed was confirmed. Once the fireworks in Times Square went off to designate the New Year, Chloe threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. Hard. I tell you, there’s no way I’d rather spend ringing in the New Year other than kissing my girlfriend.

As everyone was hooting and hollering and kissing whoever would let themselves be kissed, Aubrey and Chloe laid out the next round of food. This time it was traditional New Year foods of black-eyed peas cooked with salt pork, cornbread, and greens. These were to ensure luck in the New Year along with cabbage for prosperity. The party-goers groaned at the thought of more food. But the superstitious nature of most the attendees assured they all ate at least one bite of each.

I still think the best part of New Year’s was having Chloe by my side all night.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

The lock-in was a success. I don’t think I could have done it without Beca’s help. She’s so good-natured. After the ball dropped and we had our NYE food, I was exhausted. I told our guests they could do what they want – movies, games, whatever, as long as nobody left. As for me, I needed to take a nap.

Beca pulled one of the air mattresses to the corner of the basement. As I lay down, Beca curled up in front of me and snuggled back into me. I wrapped my arms around her and immediately fell asleep. The next thing I realized, Aubrey was shaking me awake. I quietly got up and covered a sleeping Beca with our blanket.

As our friends’ family showed up, we woke them up and sent them on their way. By eight, everyone but the four of us had left. Beca was still dead to the world, so I curled up behind her again and fell asleep. Have I mentioned how cute she is sleeping?

Love, Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we turn the corner into the Spring semester, there will probably be two chapters remaining and an epilogue.


	6. Valentine's Day and Spring Break

Hey,  
Valentine's Day is coming up fast, faster than I anticipated. I’ve thought long and hard about what to do for Chloe, especially since it’s on a Saturday this year. Aubrey said I also needed to do something Friday at school, that if Chloe didn’t get a student council delivery in homeroom, she’d be disappointed. I’m glad I have Aubrey to give me advice, so I don’t make mistakes on the big things like Valentine’s Day. I don’t want Chloe upset with me.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Trying to come up with something to do for Beca on this special is a little nerve-wracking. She’s not exactly a traditional person. She told me she made plans for us for Saturday - so like cooking for her is out. I have a feeling Stacie knows what’s up, but she’s not talking.

I think I have an idea. I hope it’s not too silly for Beca.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
The student council fundraiser was a great idea. I waited for Chloe outside her homeroom. She came flying out the door with four balloons and four carnations. She about knocked me over as she hugged me but still held on to her presents. I’m not sure how she did that. Regardless, Aubrey was right. If Chloe hadn’t got the balloons and flowers in homeroom, she would have been disappointed. She said she immediately knew that the number of carnations and balloons matched the length of time we’d been dating. Kinda.

After school, instead of taking me home, she insisted we go to her house. Then she made me sit in the car, with my eyes closed. No way could I break a pinky promise to Chloe Beale! Eventually, she came back and had me keep my eyes closed until I got out of the car.

When she let me open them, I saw an unbroken line of Hershey kisses lining the sidewalk and up the stairs to the front door. I grinned and started picking up the chocolate candies as I walked to the house. She finally gave me a little basket since my hands were getting full.

The chocolate kisses led into her house and up the stairs to her bedroom. In the middle of her bed was a pile of red rose petals, more chocolate kisses, and a card. Chloe stood by her pillow, hands behind her back, grinning like a fool. I carefully gathered all my ‘presents’ into my basket then opened the card.

It was obviously hand made and adorable. It read, “now that I’ve kissed the ground you’ve walked on, will you be my Valentine?”

Beca Mitchell doesn’t cry. But this had to be the sweetest gesture anyone had ever even thought of making to me. So I looked at Chloe, walked up to place my hands on either side of her face, and told her that being her Valentine would make me the happiest girl in the world.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Since we’re doing something on Saturday, I wasn’t expecting Beca to get me trinkets from the student council fundraiser. Then again, I might have had my feelings hurt had I walked out of homeroom without anything.

Luckily Beca didn’t question me when I brought her home with me after school, and I had her hang out in the car while I set up her present. When she read the card, she had the biggest lopsided grin when she answered me. She slipped her arms around my waist and trapped me against her chest before kissing me - gentle at first, then increasingly deeper. Sometimes I lose all track of time and my surroundings when she kisses me. She’s so intense.

I reached up to touch her face with one hand and rested the other on her chest. When I slipped my palm down to cup her breast, she paused long enough to catch her breath and give a whimper. She dropped one of her hands down to squeeze my rear as she backed me up against the post of my bed.

I heard the downstairs door open and broke away from her right in time to hear my dad call up the stairs. I’m almost thankful for that open-door policy, or I might not have heard him, and we could have been busted.

Beca was pretty worked up, as evidenced by her bright red face, so I suggested she go to the bathroom before coming down to talk with my dad. When she came down, I could tell she’d splashed water on her face.

Dad asked if we had any special plans for tomorrow. I told him Beca did but wouldn’t tell me. She whispered something in his ear, and then he gave her a high five. I guess he’s now in on the conspiracy.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
I hope Chloe likes this fondue place. I know she likes chocolate-dipped strawberries, so why not go someplace we can dip all our food. Personally, I love cheese as much as chocolate. When I told Stacie about where I wanted to take Chloe, she asked if she and Aubrey could go. Neither of them knows, which is going to add to the surprise.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Oh. My. Goodness. My real Valentine’s Day present was Beca made reservations at The Melting Pot. I’ve always wanted to go there. AND Aubrey and Stacie showed up. Aubrey was as surprised as I was.

Since the fondue experience was new for all of us, the server started with an overview and general list of do’s and don’t’s. Things like no double-dipping, don’t eat with the fondue fork, keep your fondue fresh and creamy by making figure-eights when you dip to prevent that weird crust from forming on top of the melted cheese.

Beca was listening intently then asked if there was going to be a test. She and Stacie started cracking up. The server grinned and told her, no, but then she made us all make “the pledge.” If somebody accidentally dropped a piece of food into the pot, the table got to make them do one thing. She knew we were high school kids and suggested it would be a cheeky way to steal a kiss from our dates.

Our girls let Aubrey and me pick the menu. We got two cooktops so we could get different types of cheese to share. Our server brought us a massive platter of bread squares. The whole table cheered when Beca was the first one to lose a piece of bread in Aubrey and Stacie’s cheese pot. We voted that not only did she have to give me a kiss that she forfeited her bread to Stacie who happily speared the soggy bread. This made her grumpy so I gave her some extra kisses to try to help.

We had the bread course, then meat, and finally dessert. I wanted the Flaming Turtle, which was milk chocolate, caramel, and candied pecans. The server then flambéed the whole thing. Aubrey chose dark chocolate, dulce de leche, and sea salt. She acted like she wanted dark chocolate because it was “healthier.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her the dulce de leche canceled out the health benefits.

I still can’t believe Beca arranged this experience. She’s such a romantic even though she would never agree. Who would have thought my little freshman could stir up such feelings in me.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
The fondue idea was a hit. Both Chloe and Aubrey loved it. I told Stacie she owed me for this one. Our girls had a great time. They did an excellent job picking out what we ate. There was sooooooooooo much food. We certainly got our money’s worth. I did a good job planning the special day if I do say so myself. Valentine’s Day ain’t got nothing on me.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
It’s my senior year of high school. Spring Break is kind of the last big hurrah. Aubrey and my parents surprised us with a trip to Tybee Island, complete with a two-bedroom Air BnB like right on the water. I feel guilty because it’s more time away from Beca when I could just as easily stay at home to spend time with her. Plus, Stacie’s fifteenth birthday is at the beginning of that week. Maybe Aubrey and I can do some scheming. Well, perhaps I can do some scheming. Aubrey is too nervous about rocking the boat.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Okay, the wheels are set into motion. Aubrey and I went to propose a plan for Beca’s dad and Stacie’s parents. Cross your fingers this works.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
How embarrassing. My dad gave me “the talk” this afternoon. He told me that sex between girls is a very emotional connection (like he would know) and that I should think long and hard before taking things to another level with Chloe. His face then got all red, and he sputtered around and backtracked to ask if Chloe and I had “gone all the way.” I shouldn’t have laughed, but I got the giggles. He has a good heart.

Anyway, he said that, depending on how Stacie’s parent’s talk went with her, we could go with Chloe and Aubrey during Spring Break. I hadn’t even known that was an option! He told me to thank Chloe, who had come to him with some compelling reasoning.

I was dying to call Chloe or Stacie or anyone. Finally, Stacie called. I had to hold the phone from my ear because she was hooting and hollering so loud. I guess this means we are going to the beach.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
My plan worked. Beca and Stacie are going with us. I told Aubrey this was our reward for being decent girls all through high school. She muttered something under her breath and wouldn’t repeat it when I asked her. Well, her behavior is on her and Stacie. That’s all I’ve got on that.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
Chloe took me shopping today. She said that with a body like mine, wearing a bikini this spring break was my only option. I’m glad she let me get some cute matching cover-ups. I’ll feel more comfortable when we are around Stacie and Aubrey if I’m not showing so much skin. Heck, I’m not even sure I can wear these suits around Chloe. But I’m sure I can get past that. She’s my girlfriend after all.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,   
Only being gone a week is a good thing. Otherwise, I don’t think I could fit any more clothes into my suitcase. Another good thing is that we are going to the beach, and swimwear takes up so much less space.

I took Beca shopping for bathing suits. She’s drop-dead sexy, and bikinis definitely do her justice despite how nervous she acted when trying them on. I think she enjoyed my compliments. I’m sure nobody ever complimented her as I do. Then again, I’m her first serious relationship. But now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this way about anyone before. Maybe she’s _my_ first serious relationship.

Back to packing.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Before you say anything, I didn’t realize I brought my diary. When I pulled out clothes to put on after I shower, I found it. Beca’s in the shower, so I thought I might as well write an update. The drive here was great. Aubrey’s SUV easily held all our bags with room to spare, and the four of us took turns deciding what music to play. That is until Beca plugged in her phone. Then we totally went with her mashups the rest of the way.

This Air BnB is fantastic. Beca and I have our own bedroom and bathroom on one side of the house, totally separate from Aubrey and Stacie’s. I have a feeling that’s going to be a good thing. When we went to the beach after we first got here, I wasn’t sure they even noticed the water. Or the sand. Or other people. They were totally wrapped up in each other. That’s okay, Beca and I had a good time.

Oops she just turned off the water — my time to wash this gritty sand off me now.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
We scored with this condo. We are literally right on the beach. Down our steps, directly onto the sand, and into the water. That’s the first thing we did after getting here – changed into our suits and hit the beach. I had planned on hanging out under an umbrella with copious amounts of sunscreen, but Chloe coaxed me into the water. She then dared to dunk me. The water was so damned cold. I’m currently plotting my revenge.  
Beca

* * *

Hey,  
Stacie surprised Aubrey with reservations to this sleek seafood restaurant on this lagoon. The booking was for all of us, but Aubrey was the only one who didn’t know about it. Stacie’s parents and my dad had sent us with some extra money to make sure we paid for the food since their parents paid for the condo.

Yesterday after we all showered, we went to the grocery store to stock up on staples like coffee, breakfast makings, and stuff for sandwiches. Just because our parents sent along extra money didn’t mean we had to spend it all eating out.

Having said that, the seafood place was stellar – decorated just like what you would think a beach place would be. Aubrey made us all try raw oysters. I had to admit they weren’t that bad doctored up with mignonette sauce. I braved a second, but this time with horseradish. Even Aubrey was impressed with my gutsiness.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Tybee Island has some exciting eateries. Stacie took us to The Crab Shack, this adorable restaurant on a waterway with barges passing through and alligators. Alligators! Can you imagine? Aubrey made everyone eat at least one raw oyster. Beca liked them. Impressive.

We couldn’t decide what to eat. Stacie nor I were in the mood for fried food because it was so heavy. So everyone agreed on the Captain Crab’s Sampler Platter. The menu said it was for four people, but there was so much food — boiled shrimp, snow crab, rock crab, mussels, crawfish, and all the fixings. I didn’t think we could finish it, but we put a hurting on the seafood. Beca may be tiny, but she can put away the food!  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
I’m glad my friends don’t drink. Not dealing with those pressures has made this trip relaxing. What can be better than spending days on the beach with my girlfriend? I guess spending nights with my girlfriend – alone in bed with my girlfriend. Sleeping with Chloe every night without fear of getting caught has been more tranquil than I thought. One thing that was hard though, making sure Chloe kept her pajamas on. She’s a sneaky lil’ redhead.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Today’s Stacie’s birthday. Beca and I got up early to make her breakfast in bed. Beca was afraid to go into their room, so I texted Aubrey to come out and get the tray. Yesterday, Aubrey suggested Beca and I should make ourselves scarce today. I know she was planning on some romantic things. Beca and I were glad to leave because neither of us wanted to be around for anything they might do. After eating our own breakfast, we cleaned up our mess. We decided to spend the day in Savannah. I heard lots of fabulous things about the quaint old town, and I think Beca and I will have a much better time than staying here trying to not listen to Aubrey and Stacie making out – or more!

Savannah was only half an hour's drive from the island. Since we were up early to make breakfast for Stacie, we made it to town in time for the first architectural tour. We learned a fantastic amount of history through the last three hundred years including buildings that exhibited different periods, styles, and forms of buildings and homes. Only four other people were on tour with us which gave us plenty of time to ask questions and take pictures.

Beca and I visited many of the other must-see things to include a few art museums. We each got unique pieces from the art school store. I also picked up some pottery for Stacie’s birthday and a lovely necklace for Aubrey. Beca searched out a place for dinner and found The Grey, which was in a fully restored former Greyhound Bus Station.

Spending the day alone with Beca reinforced how much I care about her. And if I’m being honest with myself, more than care and more than like. Maybe when she gets out of the shower, we can go for another walk.  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
Chloe and I went to Savannah today. Our first stop – this tour of all the significant architecture of the city. The old South has not only charm but the history to back it up. I never realized how impressive old buildings could be. And since we’re in a fascinating old town, what better lunch to have than traditional fried chicken and greens. Even if I did know how to cook savory, I don’t think I could ever make fried chicken as good as this.

After lunch, we hit up some art museums, spending a lot of time at the one connected to the Savannah College of Art and Design. I never was really into art, but Chloe insisted these were the up and coming artists of the future and insisted we each buy a small piece to memorialize our trip.

We also found this place called Parker’s Market Urban Gourmet. Let’s be honest – snacks are seriously important. Despite the food we had at the beach house, neither of us could resist the imported cheeses and gourmet desserts. We both picked up some Savannah-made gifts for our families, too.

I got caught up in staring at Chloe while we were making the short drive back to the island. She’s so beautiful. I don’t know how I got so lucky.

I hear her turning off the water in the shower. Time for me to go.  
Beca

* * *

Hey,

Chloe and I couldn’t decide between trying to make a lot of noise to let Aubrey and Stacie know we were back and being quiet so we didn’t disturb them. With the sounds coming from their side of the house, I seriously doubt they heard us. We decided to go on a walk so our perfect day could continue without being in fear of disturbing our roommates.  
Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Tonight was amazing. The moon was full and reflected beautifully off the water. Beca and I walked along the beach, enjoying the peace, listening to only the waves beat against the sand. We took turns talking about our favorite parts of the day were. She didn’t notice when I stopped and my hand pulled her to a stop. She looked back at me, curious. When I tugged her back to me, she gave her sheepish grin and told me that she’d come clean. Her favorite part of the day was watching me when I was driving back. I told her that was a little creepy but I’d let it slide. This time.

I ran my hands up her arms to her neck and face as she gently pressed her lips against mine. Kissing Beca is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I mean, I’ve kissed guys before but never a girl and even if I had, I know that she could never live up to the standards Beca has created.

When we finally came up for air, I guided us to a nearby bench. The breeze off the water was chilly without the sun to warm my skin. Beca shrugged off her jacket to put around my shoulders. It was warm and the leather held her scent. All I could do was to sit, snuggled into her side. We sat there for a while, enjoying the quiet of the waves smashing against the shore.

I turned to look at her, and we both went to speak at the same time. You know my reaction was to giggle. She told me to go first, and then I almost lost my nerve. But when I looked in her eyes, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I told her that because of her, my senior year of high school was better than I could have imagined. Beca tilted her head sideways as if concentrating on my words extremely hard.

And then… I told Beca I loved her. She froze and her face lost what little color it had gained from the time we’d spent on the beach. Talk about nervous. I wasn’t sure how she would react. I guess I was holding my breath, waiting for a reaction. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long (although it seemed like a million years). Beca told me she loved me, too. Beca loves me!  
Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,  
My mind is totally spinning right now. Chloe and I went for a stroll on the beach. Why she started shivering, I gave her my jacket as we sat on this bench to listen to the sounds of the water. At one point, we both began to talk at the same time. I knew what I wanted to say was important, but I also knew it would wait. I told Chloe to go first.

Chloe Beale told me she loved me. I was stunned. I shook my head a few times to clear my thoughts and to make sure I heard what she said. The look on her face told me my ears didn’t deceive me. Then my mind snapped, and I realized that all the emotions and all my feelings I’d been having were wrapped into those few words. I told her what I’d been feeling for so long. That I love her.

That night I lay next to my favorite redhead listening to her breathe. I couldn’t keep a quote from running through my head – from my favorite childhood author, Dr. Seuss. _You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.  
_Beca


	7. Graduation, Birthday, and Goodbye

Hey,

Chloe’s graduation is right around the corner, and her birthday isn’t too much later after that. This shit is starting to get real. I’m trying to not think about what happens when she leaves, but I’m going to have to face it eventually. I know the university is only across town, but she’s going to college. That’s a whole different world, and I’m scared.

My brain’s all screwed up on this. I guess Chloe and I need to talk about all this at some point, decide what to do together.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

We did it! Aubrey and I made it through high school. My entire family came down for graduation. Those who hadn’t met Beca yet loved her. I mean, what’s not to love? Aubrey’s family threw us a party after we walked across the stage. I can’t think of a better end to the perfect senior year.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

The graduation party for Chloe and Aubrey was fun. Chloe’s family seems as happy-go-lucky as she is. About wore me out! I decided to wait until tomorrow to give her my gift. I don’t like attention much, and besides, my present is personal. I made Chloe a digital memory montage of Chloe’s high school years. Aubrey gave me lots of photos and loaned me her yearbooks. I scanned everything in and arranged her pics to music.

Since I’m not sure what’s going to happen to our relationship, I wasn’t sure about what to do with the memories of her senior year. But the best pictures are ones of us. I flipped through them, thinking about all the times we spent together – our first date, Halloween, Thanksgiving with everyone’s family, Christmas with Stacie, the lock-in at Chloe’s, Valentine’s Day, Spring Break. I thought I had made up my mind about what to do about my relationship with Chloe, but looking through all these memories has made me think things through again.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca gave me my present today. She handed me a USB drive, so I thought I was getting some of her music. Imagine my surprise when I plugged it into my computer and found she had put together a collection of pictures starting from my freshman year all the way through the party last night. Of course, I did get some of her mashups, too, as a backup soundtrack to the photos. She times the transitions from picture to picture perfectly to the beats of the songs.

I cannot imagine anyone sweeter in my life than Beca Mitchell.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Graduation was only two weeks ago. I can’t believe I let Chloe’s birthday sneak up on me. Her birthday weekend is already here. The more time that passes, the closer we get to her leaving to go to school. She and Aubrey are going to do the dorm thing. Damn it; this gives us only a little over a month left to be together. Aubrey wants to cook dinner for all of us. I wanted to spend time with Chloe by myself so we could talk. Then I realized her birthday shouldn’t be the time I bring up the future of our relationship. So dinner at Aubrey’s it was.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Yay for birthday weekends! Can you believe I’m eighteen? I can’t. Aubrey and Stacie are cooking dinner, and Beca is making a cake. She won’t tell me what she’s making and didn’t even ask me what kind of cake I wanted. But it’s Beca. I have faith she’ll do a fantastic job.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

I can’t believe I finished this cake. I know two of Chloe’s favorite things are strawberries and chocolate, so that’s what I designed her cake around. The cake itself was three layers, chocolate – of course. Rather than using frosting between the layers, I made a thick strawberry puree jam. Frosting the cake was more awkward than I realized, but I finally got the hang of it. Chocolate ganache got drizzled over the top of the cake. Allowing the chocolate to drape down the sides made for a pretty dramatic effect. The strawberries arranged on top was a cool contrast to the chocolate – the red against the brown. To top it off, I made some little chocolate garnishes to be super fancy.

I swear if Stacie tells the kids at school about my creative side, I’ll tickle her to death. I suppose I could threaten to withhold cooking sweets if she did. That might be enough to get her to keep my secrets.

Oops, I lost track of time. Chloe is probably already at Aubrey’s. I guess I need to message Stacie and let her know I’m ready to be picked up. Transporting this monster dessert is going to be a bitch. Glad my dad went out this morning and got me an extra tall cake container. Wish me luck.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Dinner was unbelievable. Aubrey and Stacie made my favorites – meatballs and homemade pasta. But something new was this cherry tomato sauce, not quite like a traditional tomato sauce but tasty. I couldn’t stop eating until I remembered that Beca made dessert. Aubrey and Stacie groaned that they were too full to eat immediately, but I turned on my Beale charm – complete with batting my eyelashes – and Beca quickly went to get her cake container and brought it to the table.

When she took off the lid, I was in awe. A gorgeous chocolate cake sat before me, topped with fresh strawberries, and drizzled in more chocolate. When Stacie reached over Beca’s shoulder to put my candles on the cake, I thought Beca was going to slug her as she knocked Stacie backward. She apologized then told Stacie that no candles were allowed on her masterpiece. After I took tons of pictures, Beca sliced me a piece and allowed Stacie to put the candles on my slice. Then they all sang and I blew out my candles.

I tried so hard to wait for everyone to have a slice but couldn’t. My first bite was heavenly. I gave a moan that must have been rather suggestive because Stacie got the giggles and leaned over to whisper something in Aubrey’s ear. Whatever she said caused Aubrey to blush immediately. How Beca managed to make such delectable desserts amazed me. She knows me so well; I couldn’t have requested a better cake than this.

Opening presents time was the best. Aubrey and Stacie made Beca go first. She gave me another USB, this time with music – mashups of my favorite songs. She told me she put some of her original music on there as well. I was looking forward to listening to her guitar and piano music. She is extraordinarily talented with both her instruments and her voice.

Stacie gave me a daintily wrapped box. When I went to tear off the paper, Stacie shook her head and told me to wait. Aubrey scooted over next to her girlfriend and said to me that her present was that her parents were out of town. She invited Beca and me to spend the night in the guest bedroom. She said I shouldn’t open Stacie’s gift until we got up to the room.

When I looked over to Beca to see her reaction, her face was beet red. I could tell she hadn’t been expecting Aubrey’s offer of an unchaperoned night alone with me. I mean, there was Spring Break, but that was three months ago. I reached over and reassuringly squeezed her leg. I knew things were going to be okay when she put her hand on top of mine.

Aubrey and Stacie told us that they were on kitchen duty, and we should make ourselves scarce. I threatened Stacie with her life if any of she or Aubrey ate any of my cake. All she did was laugh. Love my friends!

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

Wow. Such a short word to encompass all my emotions and feelings. Just wow.

I didn’t get any advance notice that Aubrey and Stacie had their own birthday plans for Chloe, and those plans included me, Aubrey's spare bedroom, and a present (probably naughty) from Stacie. I mean, why else would Chloe have to wait to open it?

Chloe grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the Posen’s guest room. When we got there, she kicked the door shut then pulled me into her. With her hands entwined in my hair, I was quickly wrapped up in her kiss. We were lying on the bed before I knew it. Chloe always has a way of taking my breath away. I usually have to push back when I remember that breathing is necessary for, well, more kissing.

She flashed her sexy smile down at me as she asked if she should open Stacie’s gift. Her eyes were sparkling like she already knew what was in the box. I sat up on the edge of the bed as Chloe sat next to me with the present on her lap. She asked me if she should open it in the bathroom. I shook my head, figuring I might as well get some advance notice as to what Stacie had gotten her.

Chloe unwrapped the gift to find a very sexy lace Chantilly babydoll teddy with matching panties, red just like her hair. She slipped her fingers beneath the straps and lifted it out of the box. I immediately envisioned Chloe wearing the plunge-front lingerie and felt my face blush. She turned to me and assured me that just because Aubrey and Stacie were pushing us, we didn’t have to do anything that made me feel uncomfortable.

All I could do was to blink, looking back and forth between the lingerie and Chloe. She finally stood, kissed me on the cheek, and went to the bathroom. It wasn’t until she shut the door that I was able to breathe. The only thought in my mind was what my body would do when Chloe came out wearing that babydoll. I realized that I probably needed to create a more comfortable bedroom environment. I pulled back the sheets on the bed and turned off all the lights except a dim lamp next to the bed.

After what seemed an eternity, Chloe stepped out of the bathroom. She was stunning, more than I could have ever expected. Since I obviously couldn’t seem to move, Chloe came to me and placed her hands on my shoulders. I guess she could tell I was still incapable of muscle control, so she slipped her hands down to mine and pulled them to her hips. The lingerie was so soft, silky – and knowing the thin material was the only barrier between my hands and her skin was killing me. Any doubts about what we were about to do were then certainly erased.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Last night was more beautiful than I could have imagined. Beca was so decisive yet gentle. For someone so cautious about taking these final steps in our relationship, she took control of the evening. When I felt myself waking up, I was terrified to move because if I did – and Beca wasn’t there, my perfect bubble would break. Then I realized Beca had her arm draped over my side. I snuggled back into her, and she instinctively pulled me closer. I couldn’t fall back to sleep because I kept reliving last night, over and over, and over. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining! Far from it. Once more, Beca has proven she’s the perfect girlfriend.

I’m glad I’m going to a local university. Even though Aubrey and I are going to live in the dorms, I’m going to be in the same city, just across town. I don’t know what I would do if I lost Beca. Especially now that I know how she can make me feel. All I know is that I’m so lucky to have found a girl like Beca to fall in love with and one who loves me just as much.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

It’s been a few days since Chloe’s birthday. I feel bad that I haven’t talked to Chloe a lot since her birthday. Stacie’s been sending me messages asking me what’s up, but I haven’t responded. I guess I needed my space to process what I’m feeling and how I’m going to handle things, how I’m going to say what I know I need to say.

I finally bit the bullet and texted Chloe to see if we could talk. She told me to come over, that her parents were out for date night. But I asked if we could meet at the ice cream shop instead. I didn’t think us being alone at her house would be a good idea. She agreed, but I don’t think she was happy about it.

Wish me luck.

Beca

* * *

Dear Diary,

Beca has been stand-offish since my birthday. I hope she’s not regretting us sleeping together. I thought the desire was mutual, but maybe I was wrong. I finally got a message from her this evening, asking if we could talk. I wanted her to come over since I had the house to myself, and we could have a little fun – pick up where we left off on my birthday if you know what I mean. But she wanted to meet in public. I hope that’s not an omen.

Love, Chloe

* * *

Hey,

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. What in the hell did I do?

Chloe and I got some ice cream and started walking in the park, as we always did. She asked if I was okay, if things were okay. I couldn’t even look at her. I just kept quiet as I finished my cone. I finally told her we needed to talk about what was going to happen with our relationship after she left for college. She held my hand, swinging it back and forth as we walked. She said nothing had to change that she was only going across town.

I tried to explain that I wanted her to experience college. To truly experience college and not be tied down by someone who was still in high school. I could tell she was getting upset and didn’t want her to get all emotional in public. I broke down and suggested we go back to her house so we could talk in private. I knew I needed to convince her breaking up was best, but I needed to respect her and not force her to be upset where other people could see us.

She was fighting back the tears all the way back to her house. When we made it inside, she literally lost it, sitting on the couch with her hands around her knees rocking back and forth. She told me she didn’t understand. Asked me if it was because we slept together. I tried to tell her the _only_ reason was that she was going to college, and I had three more years before I graduated high school. She said she’d wait for me, but I told her no. My heart was ripping into pieces because she was crying harder than I realized anyone could.

Chloe looked up at me, her eyes bloodshot and face flushed. I told her I loved her, but I couldn’t be with her. She told me not to use those words as an apology. I guess that’s what I was doing. Using those precious words to say to her that I was sorry.

She started kissing me, almost frantically. Things must have gotten out of hand because the next thing I knew, we were in her bedroom. Naked. She felt as good this time as she did on my birthday. But after she fell asleep, I started kicking myself for making love to her again. What kind of fucked up person breaks up with a person then sleeps with them. Then… to top things off, I wrote her a note. And left. FUCK.

Beca

* * *

_Chloe,_

_I realize I’m making a dick move by leaving before you wake up, but I thought it would be easier this way. You mean so much to me – more than any words could ever say. If I thought there was a way that we could make our relationship work – with you in college and me in high school, I wouldn’t hesitate a second. _

_I talked to my dad about things. He said college is different, that when someone goes to college, they start to find themselves in ways they never imagined. I don’t want to hold you back from this experience. Chloe, if we are meant to be together, our paths will cross again. I promise._

_Yours, Beca_

* * *

Dear Diary,

I was expecting Beca to distance herself from me, fear of the unknown and all. But I never imagined she would do it like this. We made love again last night. It was beautiful. I woke up this morning to an empty bed. And a note. I’m completely shattered. Empty. Numb. Broken.

I thought we were okay. That our love could surpass this. But Beca left me. What a shitty way to end a beautiful senior year. I don’t know what else to say.

Chloe

* * *

Dear Diary,

I’m leaving for Barden University tomorrow – funny how I trade one Barden for another. I’m entering a new phase in my life. New places and new experiences mean I need to make some changes. One of my changes is to stop writing in this diary. After I finish this entry, this book is going right there in that box with my other diaries. I am going to tape it up and store all my high school memories at the top of my closet.

I can only hope Beca will come to see us off tomorrow, but I know she won’t. I have to let her go. Pack her away at the top of my closet with the rest of my high school memories.

Love, Chloe


	8. College

Hey,

It’s been two weeks since Chloe and Aubrey took off to the university. School starts tomorrow for me. Stacie hasn’t still spoken to me yet. She’s pretty pissed at me for what I did to Chloe. I’m sure Aubrey is angry, too, which is probably feeding Stacie’s moods. Yeah, I miss Chloe. But I know I made the right decision.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

The first week of school is over now. I’ve mostly been keeping to myself. At lunch, I work on my mixes in the quad with my headphones on. I’ve been working on a few original songs, too. Guess I put off the perfect leave-me-alone vibe because nobody has approached me. Not even Jesse.

I only have one class with Stacie – choir. I sometimes catch her looking in my direction, but I’ve tried to keep from making eye contact. I think she wanted to catch me as I was leaving today, but I kept walking.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Why am I apologizing to a stupid journal? UGH. Anyway, I haven’t much been in the mood. I know why, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Chloe’s gone, and that’s all there is to it. I made the decision, and I pay the price.

Anyway, Stacie texted me today. She remembered my birthday is coming up and wanted to get together. I miss hanging out with her, so I said yes – but only if we could eat Thai. I knew I was pushing it because that’s not her favorite type of food, but she agreed anyway.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Happy birthday to me. Hanging out with Stacie made for a pretty good day. She completely acted as if it’d only been a few days since we had spoken. I know that we were both kinda at fault, but knowing she’s the type of friend that can jump back in right where we left off, no matter how much time had passed, made me feel better.

Neither of us brought up Chloe or Aubrey. Stacie asked when I was going for my driving test. I had honestly forgotten all about that. I guess I need to ask my dad if I can take driver’s education so I can get my license. I’m sixteen now. Duh!

Before we left, she surprised me by pulling a long, wrapped box out of her backpack. I told her that we were just now talking again that I didn’t expect a present. She rolled her eyes and made me open the box anyway. Stacie gave me a mini USB keyboard! What a perfect gift. It fit right in my backpack, and I could take it anywhere. My headphones plugged in so I could compose music in public, then I could transfer the music to my computer.

She was shocked when I hugged her and seemed almost embarrassed at my reaction. I made a note to find out more about her favorite music so I could make her some killer mashups.

I’m feeling much better about life now. I think having Stacie’s friendship back will help me move forward.

Beca

* * *

Over at Barden University, Chloe was unsuccessfully trying to acclimate to college life and life without Beca. Aubrey attempted to pull her out of her funk by making her try to for an all-girls’ a capella group – the Bellas. They made the cut, so Chloe had a little more distraction and socialized with people other than just Aubrey.

Being a Bella led to going to parties which led to drinking. After a night of partying, she would try to hook up with some random guys and end up going home alone. The girls in the group were always trying to set Chloe up with some guy or another. Most of the guys were courteous, while some were assholes. But no matter how hard Chloe tried, she could never find it in her heart to go on a second date with any of them. Aubrey even set her up with some girls. Nobody stuck.

Finally, Aubrey confronted her best friend. Chloe admitted that no matter how attractive someone was – male or female – she or he wasn’t Beca. She compared everyone to Beca. Kissing people felt wrong. And when some tried to go further, that felt like she was cheating on Beca, and that’s why she ended up back in their dorm room every night. Alone. Aubrey tried to be supportive but was getting fed up with her best friend. Beca had broken up with Chloe so she could enjoy her college experience – not mope around about her ex all the time.

Stacie would sometimes come and visit Aubrey, but nobody ever talked of Beca. Aubrey knew Stacie and Beca were hanging out, but since Chloe never asked, Stacie never offered any information. The holidays were approaching, and Aubrey and Chloe’s first trip home was Thanksgiving, where they planned to serve at the shelter as usual.

* * *

Hey,

Stacie gave me a heads up that Aubrey and Chloe were coming to our side of town for Turkey Day. When my dad asked if we were going to go to the shelter on Thursday, I told him I didn’t think it would be a good idea. He knew I had broken up with Chloe and supported my decision. But I felt terrible about not having a repeat of last year’s Thanksgiving because I know he enjoyed hanging with the other parents. I think he understood though. Instead, we heated some Hungry Man turkey TV dinners and watched football. I did make a pumpkin pie, though, since I knew it’s his favorite.

On Friday, my dad and I were hanging out watching more television when someone knocked on the door. Stacie was outside, holding a huge cardboard box. She grinned at my dad then proceeded to unload gobs of food on our kitchen table. I guess Friday Thanksgiving with the Beales, Posens, and Conrads had caught on. Stacie must have included bowls of every dish they served.

I was amazed that she hooked us up with so much food or even thought about us at all. I felt that with Aubrey temporarily at home, she wouldn’t have given me a second thought. She _did _tell my dad that her dad expected him to go out with him for a drink on Saturday. I’m glad my dad gets some time to socialize!

I adore Stacie. I’m sure it took a lot of guts for her to pack us up a box of food at the Beale’s after I dumped Chloe. Come to think about it, Chloe probably helped.

Beca

* * *

As the semester went on, Chloe began to acclimate a little better without Beca. She started attending classes more steadily which helped despite the semester drawing to a close. Her last-ditch study efforts pulled her grades up so she could at least receive credit for all her courses. At Christmas, the Beales and Posens went on their annual ski trip. Aubrey invited Stacie, who declined under the guise that her family wouldn’t understand her leaving over the holidays.

But in truth, Stacie didn’t want to leave Beca alone. No matter how much she loved spending time with Aubrey, Stacie had some type of loyalty to Beca that her romantic relationship with Aubrey couldn’t compete with.

* * *

Hey,

Christmas break is here. Finally! I expected Stacie to go skiing with Aubrey, but she said she was going to stay here and keep me company. What a loser.

Anyway, I’ve about finished this song I’ve been composing. The lyrics have been running around in my head since the night Chloe and I broke up. They aren’t much, but I finally found a melody to match. Maybe I can get it polished enough to let Stacie listen – to get her opinion.

Beca

* * *

The once high school, now college friends knew the winter break would be their last downtime for a while. The Bellas spent the Spring semester preparing for a capella competition season. Practices were every day. Tedious. Challenging. They were even more difficult hungover. The harder the a capella captains pushed their team, the more Chloe drank. When Aubrey tried to step in, Chloe refused help. The blonde was afraid her friend would start to resent her for pushing, so she decided to stop trying to get her to stop drinking and simply make sure that Chloe made it back to the dorm safely each night and to class and practice the next day.

Aubrey again tried to set Chloe up with girls. And guys. When Chloe continued to come home early night after night, Aubrey confronted her. Chloe admitted that she was still comparing everyone to Beca, and well, they didn't measure up. However, despite Chloe coming home early, she still sweated alcohol from her pores during practice every day. Aubrey was at her wit's end as to what to do.

* * *

Hey,

Aubrey called me today. She told me Chloe was having a hard time adjusting to college and being away from me. I let her know that only Chloe could be in control of her own happiness. I know that Aubrey was trying to be Chloe’s friend, but I feel like I’d be the world’s biggest hypocrite if I tried to help Chloe out, even if it were just as friends. I’d be sending her mixed messages, maybe. I don’t know.

Being away from Chloe physically hurts as I can only imagine withdrawal from any drug could be. Perhaps I should visit her. It might do us both some good. I know cutting off our relationship cold turkey sucked and probably wasn’t fair.

After getting off the phone and thinking a bit longer, I texted Aubrey and asked what she thought about me coming for a visit this weekend. _Just_ a visit. She said she thought seeing me would help Chloe. There’s no reason I shouldn’t help Chloe since she never did me wrong. So I guess I’m going to BU Friday.

Beca

* * *

Hey,

Talk about a whirlwind weekend. By the time I got out of class on Friday and got Stacie’s slow ass in the car, we got caught in Atlanta rush hour traffic. I told Stacie she’d better be happy that I needed her support this weekend, or I would have left her ass at home.

In case I chickened out, Aubrey didn’t tell Chloe I was coming. But when I tell someone I’m going to do something, I follow through. Always. When we were about fifteen minutes out, Aubrey texted Stacie to let her know that Chloe had a particularly stressful day. She’d stayed up the night before cramming for an exam and decided to celebrate by getting an early start on the weekend. Chloe was already drunk off her ass by the time Aubrey got to the dorm. By the time we got there, Aubrey had tucked her into bed where Chloe had fallen to sleep immediately.

Stacie asked me if she and Aubrey needed to find another place to sleep. I reminded her that she was my buffer for the weekend and asked them to stay in the dorms. So she and Aubrey went out for dinner. I told Stacie if it was good to bring me leftovers!

Chloe was zonked out on her bed, wearing these adorable PJ’s that I’d never seen before. Blue pajamas with little baby yellow ducks. Her fluffy hedgehog slippers were under the edge of her bed. Despite not having spent any time with her in almost nine months, I could tell by merely looking at her that the core of Chloe remained the same. How could anyone wearing baby duck PJ’s _not_ be sweet and adorable?

I changed into a super-soft sleep shirt and pulled on some PJ pants and slipped under the sheets to snuggle in behind Chloe. Granted, we had a little less room than at home, but this was fine. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed her. I buried my face into her hair and breathed in the essence that was Chloe Beale. I felt like I was home.

The next morning, I felt her begin to stir as she woke up. I think she started to freak out when she felt someone in bed with her. I tightened my grip and whispered that everything was okay, that I was there, and she was fine. As she relaxed, she was able to turn over. Her shocked expression soon turned to surprise that I was in her bed, holding her. When she asked me what I was doing there, I told her the only thing I could think of – _just because we ended doesn’t mean I stopped loving you._

Beca

* * *

Chloe’s shock quickly morphed into happiness. Just to simply be able to see Beca, to hold Beca, to smell Beca filled her with things she hadn’t felt since she left home. They agreed to not talk about their relationship but to spend their time catching up on life, on each other. Aubrey and Stacie wanted Beca to visit their favorite places - a few restaurants, the coffee spot on the corner, and the ice cream shop. Chloe wouldn’t leave Beca’s side, which seemed to be okay with Beca since she had made her intentions clear that she wasn’t trying to confuse Chloe, only trying to reassure Chloe that Beca had not disappeared from her life.

Before Beca left, she left another USB drive and told Chloe there was a short song she had written based on something Chloe had said the night they broke up. She made sure Chloe wouldn’t take it the wrong way and said she could listen to it after she and Stacie were gone.

As Beca’s car disappeared from sight, Chloe plugged the USB and played the single song on the device.

* * *

_Don’t tell me you’re sorry by saying that you love me_

_Those words were never meant to be an apology_

_There’s other ways to show your feelings than that trite little phrase_

_It’s so overused that it doesn’t mean much anyway_

_Show me how your heart feels when I walk into the room_

_Tell me how my soul chases away the gloom_

_But don’t tell me you love me with words_

_Don’t tell me you love me with words_

_Tell me that my dark eyes always brighten up your day_

_How the memories of our time together never go away_

_But don’t act like that trite little phrase never meant anything anyway_

_Don’t tell me you love me with words_

_Don’t tell me you love me with words_

* * *

Beca’s visit did a world of good for Chloe, and the rest of the semester went a lot smoother. The redhead cut back on her drinking, her grades improved, and the Bellas made it all the way to the semi-finals during competition season. Beca texted periodically to check in which helped to keep Chloe grounded. It took an entire school year, but she finally understood why Beca broke up with her. It wasn’t because Beca didn’t love her anymore. Quite the opposite. Beca didn’t want to hold Chloe back because she _did_ love her.

* * *

_Flash forward two years_

Beca had finally made it through high school. Her time had been enjoyable, but she was happy it was over. The next phase of her life had begun. She got her things unpacked and put away in her dorm room then went out to check out the Activities Fair. Her dad had told her she should sign up to intern at the campus radio station so she could get some experience on the music front. Plus, there were a few other organizations she wanted to check out.

She saw a pair of girls trying to pass out flyers to takers with little luck. When Beca walked up, one girl approached her, brochure in hand, and asked, “any interest in joining our a capella group?”

“Oh, right. This is like a thing now.” Beca couldn’t help but chuckle as she replied.

The girl was chipper, bouncy almost. “Totes. We sing covers of songs, but we do it without any instruments. It’s all from our mouths.”

Beca gave a shocked look. “Yikes!”

The girl put her stack of flyers on the ground and threw her arms around Beca. “You are finally here, Becs. I thought you’d never show up.”

“I told you I was coming, Chloe.” Beca shoved her hands in her pockets and looked down, knowing a blush was spreading up her chest to her face.

“Not so fast, Beca. Come back here.” Chloe pulled Beca’s hands from her pockets and placed them on her hips. She then kissed Beca deeply as Beca tightened her grip on Chloe’s dress, pulling the two of them closer together.

When someone behind them cleared her throat, Beca broke off the kiss. “Oh, hi, Aubrey.”

“Don’t _hi Aubrey_ me, you little hobbit. Come, give me a hug.” Beca sheepishly hugged her girlfriend’s best friend, who also happened to be her best friend’s girlfriend. “Now skedaddle and let Chloe recruit. Try-outs are in a few weeks, and we have to find eight super-hot women with bikini-ready bodies who can harmonize and have perfect pitch.”

Another voice rang out from behind Aubrey. “Make that six. You already have Beca and me.” Stacie wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. She stage-whispered over to Beca. “Try-outs are just a formality. I have information directly from the Bellas’ captains that we are already in.”

“Sorry, I don’t even sing.” Beca laughed as she motioned for Stacie to join her as they walked off. She turned and yelled over her shoulder. “Dinner at 6:30, right?”

* * *

“Have I told you that I’m glad you are here?” Chloe squeezed Beca’s hand.

“Yeah, you have. Every day since the semester started.” Beca settled down on the blanket, her back against the tree and Chloe between her legs. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

Beca started by reading the title. “_The House at Pooh Corner_ by A.A. Milne.”

…

“But what I like _doing_ best is Nothing,” said Christopher Robin.

“How do you do Nothing,” asked Pooh after he had wondered for a long time.

“Well, it’s when people call out at you just as you’re going off to do it. ‘What are you going to do, Christopher Robin?’ and you say, “Oh Nothing.’ and then you go and do it.”

“Oh, I see,” said Pooh.

“This is a Nothing sort of thing that we’re doing now.”

“Oh, I see,” said Pooh again.

“It means just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

“Oh!” said Pooh.

…

Chloe gave a tremendous smile as she wriggled around to wrap her legs around Beca’s waist, who closed the book and gently lay in on the quilt beside them. “Becs?” She reached over to tuck some strands of hair behind Beca’s ear.

“Mmm?” Beca always enjoyed Chloe’s touch.

“I’m glad you kept your promise?”

“Yeah? Which promise was that?”

“When you said that if we were meant to be, our paths would cross again.”

“No problem; best promise I’ve ever kept.” Beca gently pushed Chloe forward and crawled to her feet. She reached down for the redhead’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go do Nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks. Thanks for sticking in there. I hope this chapter made up for the last!


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